Journey Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Parachute Crap Shoot

    Hot 7 months ago

    Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes. The president gets one and says, "My country needs me!" and jumps.
    The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, "Well, the world needs me, since I'm so smart," and jumps. One parachute left and the old man says, "You take it, my life is almost over anyway." The little girl says, "No. We both can jump." Confused, the man asks, "How?" The little girl says, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
    The Train Journey II "Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted."
    They look nervously at one more...

    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

    Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
    2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League
    2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won Ton
    1 millionth cup of mouthwash = 1 microscope
    Speed of a tortoise breaking the sound barrier = Mach Turtle
    Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = knot-furlong
    365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer because it's less filling = 1 light year
    16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
    1/2 large intestine = 1 semicolon
    1000 aches = 1 megahertz
    Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
    Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
    Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line
    Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
    453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
    Given the old adage "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," the first step of a one-mile more...

    The Worst Journey in the Worldby Helen Back

    Car Parking
    The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19. 36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova' Swing' on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11. 15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lampposts.
    Incorrect Driving
    The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator more...

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