Hippo Jokes

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    Questions about Australia

    Hot 3 months ago

    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie.
    1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
    2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking
    3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...
    4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
    5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
    A: Let's not touch this one.
    6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? more...

    These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie....

    1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.. .

    4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

    5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)
    A: Let's not touch this one.

    6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in more...

    A hippopotamus walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. "That will be $7.50 please" says the bartender. So the hippo gives the bartender his money and starts to sip his beer. "You know we don't very many hippos in here" mutters the bartender.
    The hippo replies, "At these prices it's no wonder!"

    During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.
    At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
    The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
    "I did," said the centipede.
    "Who stopped the rhino?"
    "Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
    "And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
    "Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
    "So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
    "Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles more...

    3 elderly gentlemen were sitting on a park bench discussing what the meanest animal in the world was. The first said, "The meanest animal in the world is a Hippopotamus, cause it's got such big jowls. One bite and your gone." The second shook his head and said "Nah, hippo may be mean, but ain't nothing meaner than an alligator. He got a big mouth and all them teeth, snap? , one bite, ha, one swallow, you gone." The third gentleman sat for a moment, and finally he spoke and said, " No sir, the meanest aninmal in the world is a hippagator." The other two in disbelief inquired as to what in the world is a hippagator, believing there was no such animal. The gentleman slowly began to explain, " A hippagator got a hippo head on one end, and an' gator head on the other" "WAIT! interrupted the others, "If he has a head on both ends, How does he shit? " The reply was simply," He don't, that's what makes him so mean".

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