Centipede Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A snail, a slug and a centipede were spending a day together at the snail's house. It was decided that one of them should go out and get some drinks.

    The snail said, "I can't go, it will take me all night." The slug said, "I could go, but if it rains, I haven't got anything to protect me."

    With this, they both look at the centipede.

    The centipede said, "Okay, okay, I'll go," and he walked out the door.

    An hour passed and the centipede wasn't back yet. Another hour and still no sign of him. When another hour passed, the snail and the slug began to worry about the centipede and decided to go look for him.

    When they opened the front door, they saw the centipede. They asked, "What are you doing?"

    The centipede said, "I'm still putting my shoes on."

    A man enters a pet shop and tells the owner he'd like to buy a pet that can do everything. The owner suggests a dog.
    "A dog?" the man replies.
    "How about a cat?" the owner says.
    "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" the man replies.
    The owner thinks for a moment, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"
    "A centipede?" the man says. "I can't imagine a centipede being able to do everything, but yeah... I'll try a centipede." He pays for the centipede and takes it home.
    When they arrive home, he looks at the centipede and says, "Clean the kitchen."
    Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and to his astonishment... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed.
    He then says to the centipede, "Go clean the living more...

    A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.
    The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.
    The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"
    The owner says, "How about a cat?"
    The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"
    The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"
    The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."
    Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.
    He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."
    Twenty minutes later, he walks into more...

    A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.
    The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"
    The owner says, "How about a cat?"
    The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"
    The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"
    The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede."
    He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."
    Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.
    He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."
    Twenty minutes later, he walks into more...

    A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything.
    The owner says, "How about a dog?"
    The man replies, "A dog? That's so ordinary! And a dog can't do everything!"
    The owner says, "How about a cat?"
    The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"
    The owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it - a centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything. But, okay... I'll try a centipede."
    He gets the centipede home and says to it, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate. All the dishes and silverware have been washed, polished, dried and put away. The countertops have been cleaned. The appliances are sparkling. The floor has been waxed.
    He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Run down to the more...

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