Heck Jokes / Recent Jokes

(Yankee) German Shepherd Dog
(Southern) Poh-leece Dawg (Yankee) Poodle
(Southern) Circus Dawg (Yankee) St. Bernard
(Southern) "Thank Gawd, Here Comes The Whiskey Dawg" (Yankee) Doberman Pinscher
(Southern-2 versions) Bad Dawg, or Dobimin Pinches (Yankee) Beagle
(Southern) Rabbit Dawg (Yankee) Rottweiler
(Southern) Bad Dawg AND Mean As Heck Dawg. Good dawg to guard
the still. (Yankee) Yellow Lab
(Southern) Ol' Yeller Dawg (Yankee) Black Lab
(Southern) Duck fetchin' Dawg (Yankee) Greyhound
(Southern) Greased Lightnin' Dawg (Yankee) Malinois
(Southern) Another kind of Poh-leece Dawg (Yankee) Blue Ticks, Red Bones, etc.
(Southern) Prize Coon Dawgs (Yankee) Pekinese
(Southern) Mop Dawg (Yankee) Chinese Crested
(Southern) Nekkid Dawg (Yankee) Dachshund
(Southern) Wienie Dawg (Yankee) Siberian Husky
(Southern) Sled-Pullin' Dawg (Yankee) Bouvier, Komondor
(Southern) "What The Heck Kinda Dawg Is more...

A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.

What the driver didn’t know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.

Policeman: “License, registration and proof of insurance please. ”

Driver: “Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man. ”

Policeman: “Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!! ”

Driver: “Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?! ”
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man’s head and shoulders.

Policeman: “Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the heck is yours? Do I point at my pants when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it, too." Dang right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people who've lost something say, "It'll probably be in the last place
I look." Of course it is! Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it?
5. When people say while watching a film, "Did you see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
6. People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is "new and improved." Which is it? If it's more...

A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife answers.
"Hi, is Hank home?" he asks.
"No, I'm sorry, he's out running some errands," she replies.
"Would you mind if I wait?" he asks.
"No, that would be fine. Come on in," she says.
They go into the kitchen, sit down, and the guy says, "You know, Laura, you have the most beautiful breasts I've ever seen. I'll give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Laura thinks about it for a second and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and lets him see one. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
They sit a while longer and Ben says, "They really are so beautiful. I just have to see both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks if I could just see both of them together."
Laura thinks about it and figures what the heck. She opens her robe and gives Ben a nice long look. He thanks her, throws more...

A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic.

What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.

Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."

Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."

Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"

Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"

The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.

Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!?

Kirk,
your prayers were not answered! As expected 49ers bit the crap out of the Chargers. Maybe if you start praying now, by next year, god might pitty you.
Now a question?
Assumption:
If a game is played in one and only one country. And they have a tournament. for all the teams in that country, I believe it would be called National Championship!
Question:
Then why the heck are the Superbowl Champions called World Champions?
Last I heard, there are many more countries in the world, besides USA. Shouldn't another country, heck even CANADA would do be involved for it to be called the WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP.
Any takers???
KIRK???

I went to the neurologist yesterday, to find out if I still needed to take my medication, right?
Well, he goes off on a random tangent about Hershey Park and I'm like, what the heck, I thought this was about me, not a theme park. And so, somehow, he decides that I need to take two pills instead of one, and again, I'm like what the heck, this guy is nuts!
And then after he decides this, he randomly decides to check the reflexes in my elbows and my knees and my ankles. I am laughing uncontrollably and my moms looked at me like I was nuts - I still don't know what my reflexes have to do with my migraines.