A lion in the London Zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when a visitor turned to the keeper and said, 'That's a docile old thing, isn't it?'
'No way,' said the keeper, 'it's the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged an Australian tourist into the cage and completely devoured him.'
'Hardly seems possible,' said the astonished visitor, 'but why is it lying there licking its arse?'
'The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth.'
A Rotary visitor to Japan told a joke lasting 2 minutes.
The interpreter then translated using only a few words. Everyone laughed. Afterwards the visitor asked the interpreter how he translated such a long joke so quickly.
"Well, I didn't think they would get the point, so I said, "Our guest has just told a joke. Everyone please laugh."
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "Thats the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
A visitor to Texas once asked, "Does it ever rain out here?"A rancher quickly answered, "Yes, it does.""When?" asked the visitor."Do you remember that part in the Bible where it rained for 40 days
and 40 nights?"The visitor replied, "Yes, I'm familiar with Noah's flood.""Well," the rancher puffed up, "we got about half an inch that time."
Legend has it that football great Bronco Nagurski opened a gas station upon retirement from the NFL.
A visitor to town asked whether or not he was successful.
"Once someone gets gas from Bronco, they never go anyplace else", a local told him.
"Is the service that good?" asked the visitor.
"No, not really." said the local.
"Does he have the best price?"
"About the same as everybody else."
"Then the gas must be better."
"No, it's just regular gas."
"Then why does everyone keep coming back to Bronco?"
"Because when Bronco Nagurski puts your gas cap on, no one but Bronco Nagurski can get it back off."