Hardware Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it was he said' I am blind drop it on the ground and i'll tell ya. She dropped it on the ground.'Aahh that's 10. 00.' She bent down and let a big fart that everyone heard. But, she really wanted the pole so she picked it up. And went to pay for it.' That will be 20. 00'' But you said 10. 00'' 10. 00 extra for the stink bait and duck call.
By Nicholas Petreley
"Sulu, set path to the floppy drive. Scotty, fit the hard drive with the Microsoft Windows 95 engine. Chekov, prepare the install disks, we're about to begin a sequel."
"Capitan, Windows 95 doesn't do SQL."
"Right. Then let's see how she performs at task speed. Scotty?"
"Captain, are you surre you want to replace the system? If ye put Windows code into a true 32-bit multitasking environment, we'll risk a matter-antimatter explosion!"
"Scotty, that's an order. "
"Aye, Captain, but she's just not rready. She needs a proper beta shakedown."
"That's what we're doing, Scotty. Chekov, how are those install disks coming?"
"We're on disk 5, sir."
"Good. Spock?"
"Fascinating, Captain. It appears as if Windows 95 is scanning our hardware and mutating to adapt."
"Then, Spock, can you tell me why it is saying it can't use the more...
Did you hear about the hillbilly who went into the hardware store tobuy a chain saw? He said I want one that will cut down at least 10 trees a day. He was back at the hardware store with the saw a couple days latercomplaining that it onlycut one tree and that took all day. The clerk at the hardware store started the saw to see what theproblem was. The hillbilly jumped back and said what the hell is that noise?
You make $180, 000 a year, yet still can’t find an affordable place to live. Your commute time is 45 minutes and you live 8 miles away from work. Stop asking how much things cost but, ask “How long will it lasts? ” Two-thirds of the people you know are from Boston or New York, but you are living in PST. Know vast differences between Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, Cantonese, Filipino, and Korean food. Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that is not on the consumer market yet. Go to “The City” on weekends but don’t live there because you like your car. Lost your alarm clock. You’ll get to work when you get there. Go to an industrial-heavy-metal bar and see two guys get into a fight over what flavor of UNIX is better. Own more than 10 articles of clothing that have hardware/software companies printed on them. Bonus for embroidered stuff. You know 280 North runs west, and 680 N runs East. Even though Microsoft employs quite a few programmers in the Bay more...
If you were born between 1940 and 1950, this is for you!. ... If not, pass it on to someone who was.: )) We were born before television, penicillin, polio shots, frozen foods, xerox, contact lenses, frisbees and the PILL. We were born before radar, credit cards, split atoms, laser beams and ball-point pens. .. before pantyhose, dishwashers, clothes dryers, electricblankets, air-conditioners, drip-dry clothes -- and before man walked on themoon. We got married first -- and THEN lived together. How quaint can you be??
In our time, closets were for clothes, not for "coming out" of. Bunnies were small rabbits, and rabbits were not Volkswagons. Designer jeans were scheming girls named Jean or Jeannie. And having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with our cousins. We thought fast food was what we ate during lent, and Outer Space was the back of the Riviera Theatre. We were born before house-husbands, gay rights, computer dating, dual careers and computer more...
HUSBAND 1.0 There are alot of pressures to upgrade from Boyfriend 6.0
to Husband 1.0. However before doing so make sure you understand the
implications of this change...
For one, system activity will be severely limited and you will be compelled
to instigate rigorous daily routines in space management, garbage disposal
and disc cleaning often with an accompanying increase in system
administration. This program can also be a drain on many resources and
demand constant attention. You will encounter an increased amount of
interrupts and error messages, while the program often cancels processes
without warning, very often crashing the system. In addition, Husband
1.0 often refuses to respond to your commands and frequently appears to
be running processes which you have not authorised. If this happens
alot, do not respond to any interactive requests from the program and
severely limit demand for extra bytes.
Every evening there will more...
After first seeing Microsoft’s slogan for its New Windows XP operating system, “it just works, ” I couldn’t help wondering: what were the slogans for all the previous releases? After thinking about it for a while, they became obvious.
Windows 1. 0: Good joke, eh?
Windows 2. 0: Still funny, isn’t it?
Windows 286: Yeah, we’re still kidding.
Windows 386: Going boldly where Desqview has been for years.
Windows 3. 0: It’s finally worth buying!
Windows 3. 1: It’s finally worth using!
Windows 95: Going boldly where the Mac has been for years.
Windows 98: More usable! Less stable!
Windows 98SE: More stable! Less usable!
Windows ME: Less usable AND less stable!
NT 1. 0: Give me more hardware! NOW!!!
NT 2. 0: Dammit, I said MORE HARDWARE!!! NOW!!!!
NT 3. 0: Which part of “more hardware” do you not understand?
NT 3. 5: With enough hardware, I’d work. Honest.
NT 4. 0: Does less than Win98 with twice more...