Let's just say that in the movie version of your life, you'd be played by Pauly Shore.
Your idea of "conquering Deep Blue" involves employing your gastro-intestinal system to attack the Tidy Bowl man.
The computer: A highly sophisticated electronic brain from IBM. You: A highly intoxicated electrician from NJ.
Before moving your queen, you insist on consulting Eddie Murphy.
Computer: lauded by scientists for its ability to calculate millions of chess moves per minute. You: lauded by fraternity buddies for your ability to pass gas and burp simultaneously.
You can't make a single move without thinking of huge juicy shrimp.
In your circle, "castling" means holing-up in your trailer with an AK-47 and a bottle of bourbon.
Your "garlic breath" strategy fails to intimidate this particular opponent.
Your populist leanings always result in you inciting your pawns to wipe out their own king and queen.
Kasparov's idol: Bobby more...
Marketing is a foreign language unto itself:
GM cars: Originally sold in Belgium using the slogan, "Body by Fisher," which translated as "Corpse by Fisher."
The Jotter: A pen made by Parker. In some Latin countries, jotter is slang for "jockstrap."
Puffs tissues: In Germany, puff is slang for "whorehouse."
Cue toothpaste: Marketed in France by Colgate-Palmolive until they learned that Cue is also the name of a popular pornographic magazine.
Schweppes Tonic Water: The company changed the name from Schweppes Tonic Water to Schweppes Tonica when they learned that in Italian, "il water" means "the bathroom."
The Ford Caliente: Marketed in Mexico, until Ford found out "caliente" is slang for "streetwalker." Ford changed the name to S-22.
The Rolls-Royce Silver Myst: In German, mist means "human waste." (Clairol's Mist Stick curling iron had the same problem.)
Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.