Field Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing. The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing? "The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize. "How?" asks the man, puzzled. "Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize. . . to people who are out standing in their field."

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.

There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.

The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
"Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field.
He asks, "And what are those?"

The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look,
"What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.
The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"
The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"
After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.
The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30, and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.
The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four more...

There was a blonde driving down the road one day on her way to visit some family. She was driving down a country road that came along side a giant wheat field. When she looked over at the wheat field she was shocked to see that there was another blonde out in the wheat field in a row boat. And this woman with oars in hand was vigorously rowing! The blonde woman driving saw this and was pissed! So she stopped her car along side of this wheat field and rolled down her window and yelled out to the blonde in the boat. "You know it's blondes like you who give blondes like me a bad name!" "And if I could swim, I would swim out there and kick your ass!".

In the construction field, it is often noted that lawyers make the worst clients. However, a couple of years ago I met an old carpenter that said lawyers were always his favorite clients!
When I asked him why he got so much pleasure out of having lawyers as clients he replied, "I only build coffins now."

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies.This was his first time approaching a field during the nighttime, and instead of making any official requests to the tower, he said, "Guess who?"The controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess
where!"

Three Italian mothers were attending a football game. Each had a son playing on the same team. At the start of the game, the first boy saw his opportunity, grabbed the ball and running quickly, out-foxed the opposing team, making the first touchdown. His mother, obviously proud of her son, sprang from the bleachers, shouting in her broken Italian accent, "Thatsa *my* boy! I raised him onna da Pet milk. Ain`t he-a Peach?" Soon, the second boy received the ball and in a spectacular run down the field, made another goal for the team. Not wanting to be outdone by the first boy`s mother, the second boy`s mother jumped from her seat, exclaiming, "Thatsa *my* boy!! I raised him onna da breast milk. Ain`t he-a wonderful?" The third boy, hadn`t done so well, but finely someone threw him the ball. He fumbled it, then recovered... running in the wrong direction, fell with the ball, ran some more, stumbled again, dropped it once more, recovered it and finally crossed the goal more...