Eternally Jokes

Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her the number two rule follows.
Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it.
Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it and it will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be about one foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics, but because you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the better.
Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard about submissive Asian women. They actually rule every
relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive, guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control.
Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of Hello Kitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, as well as chocolates, more...

John is down on his luck in Las Vegas. He has gambled away all his money and has to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men's room. The stall happens to be open and he uses the dime in a slot machine and hits the jackpot.
He takes his winnings and goes to the blackjack table and turns his small winnings into a million dollars.
Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, John goes on the lecture circuit, where he tells his incredible story. He tells his audiences that he is eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever finds the man he will share his fortune with him.
After months of speaking, a man in the audience jumps up and says, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the dime."
"You aren't the one I'm looking for. I mean the guy who left the door open!"

Be RICH. This is important for you, but not for her. For her the number two rule follows. Spend MONEY on HER. This is the most important thing for her, whether you are rich, have any money, or must lie, steal, or kill to do it. Be TALL. Of course you have no real control over this, but if you don't do it, she will secretly and forever resent you for it and it will come out of left field to smite you. Preferably be about one foot taller than her - not for comfort or aesthetics, but because you are a trophy and, as always, the bigger the better. Be a MINDLESS ZOMBIE RULED BY HER. Forget what you've heard about submissive Asian women. They actually rule every relationship with insidious and painful, passive-aggressive, guilt-evoking, whiny, crying mind-control. Have the EMOTIONAL STABILITY OF A 4-YEAR-OLD. She will be impressed and enraptured by your delight at the sight of Hello Kitty, stuffed animals, puppies, kitties, duckies, bunnies, as well as chocolates, shiny jewelry and other more...