Engineering Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are at least 10 types of capacitors.
Theory tells you how a circuit works, not why it does not work.
Not everything works according to the specs in the databook.
Anything practical you learn will be obsolete before you use it, except the complex math, which you will never use.
Always try to fix the hardware with software.
Engineering is like having an 8 a.m. class and a late afternoon lab every day for the rest of your life.
Overtime pay? What overtime pay?
Managers, not engineers, rule the world.
If you like junk food, caffeine and all-nighters, go into software.
... and the number one thing...
Dilbert is not a comic strip, it's a documentary.

...about the doctor, engineer, and programmer who were debating what the
world's oldest profession was (other than the obvious one)? The doctor
said that medicine was the oldest because the Lord performed surgery in
the removal of Adam's rib. The engineer countered that before that act,
the Lord had performed feats of engineering by creating the earth and
heavens from nothing.
The doctor conceded that the engineer was right and that engineering was
indeed the oldest profession. But then the programmer interjected that
programming was even older. He was chided by both the doctor and the
engineer saying that engineering had to be the oldest, because before the
Lord engineered the earth and heavens, there was nothing, only the Great
Void, only Chaos!
The programmer simply smiled and said:
"Where do you think the Chaos came from?"

1. Computer Science: Write a fifth-generation computer language. Using
this language, write a computer program to finish the rest of this
exam for you.
2. History: Describe the history of the papacy from its originas to the
present day, concentrating on its social, political, economic,
religious, and philosophical impact on Europe, America, Asia, and
Africa. Be brief and concise, yet specific.
3. Electrical Engineering: You will be placed in a nuclear reactor and
given a partial copy of the electrical layout. The electrical system
has been tampered with. You have seventeen minutes to find the
problem and correct it before the reactor melts down.
4. Pre-Med: You will be provided with a rusty razor blade, a piece of
gauze, and a full bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Don't
suture until your work as been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
5. Public Speaking: Twenty-five hundred riot-crazed aboriginies are
storming the more...

An engineering student was walking on campus one day when another engineering student rode up on a shiny new bicycle.
"Where did you get such a nice bike?" asked the first.
The second engineer replied "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want!'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.

Comprehending Engineers - Take One
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did
you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own
business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the
ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."
Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Comprehending Engineers - Take Three
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly
slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15
minutes!"
The doctor chimed more...

Did you hear the one about the doctor, engineer, and programmer who were debating what the world's oldest profession was (other than the obvious one)? The doctor said that medicine was the oldest because the Lord performed surgery in the removal of Adam's rib. The engineer countered that before that act, the Lord had performed feats of engineering by creating the earth and heavens from nothing.The doctor conceded that the engineer was right and that engineering was indeed the oldest profession. But then the programmer interjected that programming was even older. He was chided by both the doctor and the engineer saying that engineering had to be the oldest, because before the Lord engineered the earth and heavens, there was nothing, only the Great Void, only Chaos! The programmer simply smiled and said,
"Where do you think the Chaos came from?"