Drunker Jokes / Recent Jokes

"You are drunk!" shouts the barman of the Groggy Doggie Pub, at Paddy, who just has slipped gradually onto the confound again.

"I'm not drunk at all!" insists Paddy, picking himself up. "In fact, I'm not even drunk a little bit, and I'll prove it to you. Now, you see that cat just coming in the entrance? Well, it has only got one eye."

"You're drunker than I thought," says the barman. "That cat is going out!"

A drunk and his inebriated friend were sitting at a bar. "Do you know what time it is?" asked the drunk. "Sure," said the friend. "Thanks," said the drunk.

The big city sporting houses were hard hit by the housing shortage. One of them became so crowded on busy nights that it was obliged to entertain some of its customers on the roof. On one such evening, a client and his charming hostess became so excited they fell off the top of the building. Still locked in love's embrace, they landed on the street with a thud, barely missing a passing drunk.
The drunk staggered up to the sporting house door and knocked loud and long.
"Beat it," said the Madam, through a slot in the door. "We don't allow no drunks in here."
"I don't wanna come in," said the drunk. "Jush wanted to tell ya your sign fell down."

A drunkard was coming home from a local liqour shop late at night. He lived alone and locked his house whenever he went out.
As he neared his house he took out his key to open the lock, but he could not manage to put the key into the hole.
After trying this repeatedly, he was tired.
A neighbour who was witnessing the scene took pity on him and said, "Give me the key I will get it open for you."
The drunkard looked for a while, and said to him, "The lock will be opened by me, but do me a favour, please hold the house firmly, while I do the rest. Damn it, it is shaking like a pendulum."

Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the Ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface.
After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object, floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in).
They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it. Out popped a tired old genie who said, " OK, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I've been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now an quite frankly, I'm burned out. You guys only get 1 wish and then I'm outta here. Make it a good one."
The first guy, blurted out, without thinking, " Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!"
" Fine," said the genie, more...