Drunker Jokes / Recent Jokes

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.

The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order."

The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honor, I'll have a scotch and soda."

ACCORDING to the grapevine, Dr Norman Vincent Peale was wounded mentally at least on one occasion. A drunken young man addressed the author of The Power of Positive Thinking:' I want to know/ he lisped,' what is the difference between positive and negative thinking?'
Dr Peale was very polite.' Young man,' he is supposed to have answered,' if you will ask me that when you are sober, I shall be happy to tell you.'
'That's the trouble,' the young man mouthed.' When I am sober, I just don't give a damn.'

Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar. One is crying. The other asks what's wrong. " I've puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me." The other drunk says " Do what I do pal. Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked on you. Put a ten spot in your shirt pocket and tell her that the drunk was sorry and gave you ten dollars to have your clothes cleaned." "Sounds like a great idea" says drunk number 1.
When he gets home, sure enough his wife is fuming and begins yelling at him about his clothes and how disgusting he is. The drunk starts spinning the lie and says " Look for yourself, there's ten bucks in my shirt pocket." His wife looks in the pocket and finds twenty dollars. " Wait a minute, I thought you said the guy gave you ten for puking on you," says the wife. " He did," says the drunk. " But he shit in my pants too."

Padhai kro, Kudi pichhe na maro. Yaran naal na lro, Jad b kro aish kro. Rajj ke khaaoo, Rajj ke peeoo. Khull ke jiyo, Maouj udaoo. Bhangre paaoo, Loga da sir khaaoo. PEG LAAOO TE SO(SLEEP) JAAOO...