Fred got home from his Sunday round of golf later than normal and very tired. "Bad day at the course?" his wife asked.
"Everything was going fine," he said. "Then Harry had a heart attack and died on the 10th tee."
"Oh, that's awful!"
"You're not kidding. For the whole back nine it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry."
Some of these are EXTREMELY offensive. Women who are sensitive
probably skip this. Why women!? Any FCP or men too!!
1. What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt? A pussy is warm
and moist. A cunt is what owns it.
2. What's a clitoris? A female hood ornament.
3. What's the only bad thing about the 69 position? The view.
4. Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long
enough to build up pressure.
5. Why did cave men drag their women around by the hair? Because if
you drag them around by the feet they fill up with dirt.
6. Why did god give men penises? So we'd always have at least one
way to shut a woman up!
7. What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick? You
don't have to beg a woman to blow your paycheck.
8. How is a woman like a laxative? They both irritate the shit out of you.
A young bloke has started work on a property, and the boss sends him up the back paddocks to do some fencing work, but come evening he's half an hour late. The boss gets on the CB radio to check if he's all right.
"I've got a problem, Boss. I'm stuck' ere. I've hit a pig!"
"Ah well, these things happen sometimes," the boss says.
"Just drag the carcass off the road so nobody else hits it in the dark."
"But he's not dead, boss. He's gotten tangled up on the bull bar, and I've tried to untangle him, but he's kicking and squealing, and he's real big boss. I'm afraid he's gonna hurt me!"
"Never mind," says the boss. "There's a. 303 under the tarp in the back. Get that out and shoot him. Then drag the carcass off the road and come on home."
Another half an hour goes by, but there's still not a peep from the young fella. The boss gets back on the CB. "What's the more...
A man goes golfing with his Friend, John. He arrives home several hours late.
His wife asks,"What took you so long?"
He replies,"Oh, honey, it was an horrible afternoon! On the third hole, John had a heart attack and died on the spot!" She says,"Oh, darling! It must have been awful for you!" The husband replies, "It was hell! Fifteen holes of 'hit the ball, drag John, hit the ball, drag John...'"
Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably.
The other three gathered around him and asked him what was wrong.
Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. "Im sorry," he said, "but I always get emotional at this hole... it holds very difficult memories for me."
One of his buddies asked, "What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?"
Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, "This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack - right at this very hole!"
The other golfers were stunned by this revelation. "That must have been a horrible day for you!"
Bob cried out in disbelief, "Horrible doesn't even begin to cover it. It was absolute hell for me. Every hole more...
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