Cured Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Scotsman was sick and in hospital. His doctors were afraid that
this was to be the end of him since nothing they did could do anything
to make him healthy. His physician asked him if there was anything
that he could do to make him more comfortable in his final hours.
The Scot replied, "If I could only hear the pipes one more time it would
make me very happy." So the doctor arranged for a piper to come into the
room and play for the dying man.
When the Scot heard the pipes the color came back into his cheeks, his
eyes became bright, his breathing was easier, and he got up and danced
around the room. He was completely cured! Later, while recounting the
tale to his fellows over lunch the doctor confessed that this was a
miracle cure that he couldn't explain. When the pipes began to play
the Scotsman was cured. The only problem he could see was that 2
Englishmen in for checkups died.

Once, Isaac Newton came to India and happened to watch a few Tamil movies. The poor man ended up being terribly confused about the validity of the various laws of physics that he had discovered.
Here are a few scenes from the movies that he watched.
1)Rajanikanth has a brain tumor which, according to the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent. In one of the fights, Rajanikanth is shot in the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes through his ears taking away the tumor along with it and he is cured! Long live Rajanikanth!!!
2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3 gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately only one bullet and a knife. Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at the middle gangster & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife cuts the bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of the middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth more...

Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good nights sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joes former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "Its amazing! Im cured!""Thats great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?""I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!""One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously."Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist.""A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?""Oh, more...

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her.
She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her. ”
“Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole! ” she screamed.
That’s funny, ” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her too! ”
I’m Cured!
A man walks into a bar, and orders a beer. He drinks the beer, then stands on the bar, drops his pants and pisses all over the place.
The bar tender freaks out. “You dirty disgusting pig! How dare you come into my bar and urinate! I’ll beat the shit out of you…”
The man begins crying. “I’m sorry! Its ruining my life. I can’t sleep. I do it every time I have a drink! It’s worrying me to death, please don’t hit me…”
The bar more...

I've cured myself of smoking in bed. I bought a water bed and filled it with gasoline.

A woman was complaining to the neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.

'Take my advice,' said the neighbor,' and do what I did.

Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out: 'Is that you, Jim? ' And that cured him.'

'Cured him!' asked the woman,' but how? '

The neighbor said,' You see, his name is Bill.'

The woman was enthusiastic about psychoanalysis and confided to a friend that she had undergone therapy. "You never knew this," she said, "but for years I was under the delusion that I was a fox terrier."
"And now you're completely cured?" asked the friend.
"That's right," said the woman proudly. "Just feel my nose."