Country Jokes / Recent Jokes

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one
American, were on their way to an international business conference when
they were kidnaped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
"You, your companies and your countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed
the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last
requests?"
The Englishman spoke first.
"Before I die, I want to honor my contry and protest this barbaric act by
singing "God Save The Queen" to all your men."
"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor MY country before I die by singing
"The Marseilles" to your men."
The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor MY country by giving the
lecture I was going to present on the Japanese style of industrial management."
The terrorist turned finally more...

Only the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) can assure economic prosperity. Only the CCP can maintain societal stability. No one wants freedom. All Chinese demand national reunification meaning that the mainland must take over Taiwan. The one child policy works. China is capitalist. The Tiananmen Massacre was necessary in order to prevent chaos. Only the CCP produces people capable of leading the country. Deng Xiaoping intended to implement democracy. 1 country 2 systems works. Mao unified China. Falun Gong wants to destroy China. The CCP opposes corruption. CCP is like the sun. The CCP cares about Chinese. The People's Liberation Army (PLA) has the ability to invade and take over Taiwan. The PLA won the 1979 war with Vietnam. 1 million dead PLA' volunteers' in Korea constituted a victory. The PLA knows how to maintain the modern Russian aircraft and ships that it purchased Zhu Rongji wants to clean up corruption. Mainland corruption is not creeping into Hong Kong. Falun Gong is a more...

The following is an exact transcription of a letter John Mongan received from MIT, and the reply that he sent them. Unfortunately, they chose to discontinue their correspondence at that point. I have heard, however, that their recruitment letter has been revised and is far less snotty than it once was.
April 18, 1994
Mr. John T. Mongan 123 Main Street Smalltown, California 9;;;;,-;;;;,
Dear John:
You've got the grades. You've certainly got the PSAT scores. And now you've got a letter from MIT. Maybe you're surprised. Most students would be.
But you're not most students. And that's exactly why I urge you to consider carefully one of the most selective universities in America.
The level of potential reflected in your performance is a powerful indicator that you might well be an excellent candidate for MIT. It certainly got my attention!
Engineering's not for you? No problem. It may surprise you to learn we offer more than 40 major fields of study, from more...

A liberal came upon a genie and said, "You're a genie. Can you grant me three wishes?" The genie replied, "Yes, but only if you're feeling generous enough to share your good fortune." The liberal said, "I'm a liberal. I'm always happy to share." The genie said, "O.K., then, whatever you wish for, I'll give every conservative in the country two of it. What's your first wish?" "I would like a new sports car." "O.K., you've got it, and every conservative in the country gets two sports cars. What's your second wish?" "I'd like a million dollars." "O.K., you get a million dollars, every conservative gets two million dollars. What's your third and final wish?" "Well, I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."

Advanced medicine.
A British doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a brain out of one man, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That's nothing, we can take a brain out of one person, put it in another and have him preparing for war in four weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we just took a man with no brain out of the desert of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work, and the other half is preparing for war."

This happened during the Emergency imposed by Mrs. Indira Gandhi in 1975. Bapu Gandhi, up in heaven, was troubled by the thought that after all he had done for his country, no one even remembered his name. He sent for Jawahar Lai Nehru and said "Nehru beta, you ruled the country for many years. What did you do to perpetuate the memory of your Bapu Gandhi?"
"Bapu, I did everything I could. I had a samadhi built on the spot where we cremated your body. On your birthdays and death anniversaries we gathered at the samadhi, sang Ram Dhun and Vaishnav Jan. What more could I do?"
"Who came after you?" asked Bapu.
"I am told Lai Bahadur became Prime Minister after me," replied Nehru.
So Bapu Gandhi sent for Lai Bahadur and put him the same question. Shastri replied: "Bapu, I had a very short time as Prime Minister - only one and a half year, but I had your statues put up in every town and village. I had all your speeches more...

A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to alarge farm. He asked for and was given a tour.As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he'd havesome fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk.The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the barn to thefarmer. "Sam," he shouted, "those animals are talking! If that sheepsays anything about me, it's a damned lie!"