Corporate Jokes / Recent Jokes
When design engineers get together they often talk about football.
When Middle management meet, they talk about tennis.
When top management meet they talk golf.
Conclusion: The higher you climb in the corporate ladder the smaller your balls become.
An American automobile company and a Japanese auto company decided to have a competitive boat race on the Detroit River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they were as ready as they could be. The Japanese team won by a mile. Afterwards, the American team became discouraged by the loss and their morale sagged. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A Continuous Measurable Improvement Team of "Executives" was set up to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action. Their conclusion: The problem was that the Japanese team had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, whereas the American team had 1 person rowing and 8 people steering. The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some t ime and billions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded that "too many people were more...
Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one American, were on their way to an international business conference when they were kidnapped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout. "You, your companies, and you countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last requests?" The Englishman spoke first. "Before I die, I want to honor my country and protest this barbaric act by singing "God Save The Queen" to all you men." "That can be arranged," said the terrorist. The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor my country before I die by singing "The Marseilles" to your men." The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor my country by giving the lecture I was going to present on the Mapanese style of industrial management." The terrorist turned finally to the America n. "What is your last more...
All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy.MemorandumTo: All EmployeesFrom: HeadquartersSubject: Business Travel Policy GuidelinesDate: June 16, 2000Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.TransportationIf commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure more...
After a two year study on America's recreational preferences, the following results were found:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is basketball.
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is bowling.
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar line workers is football.
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is baseball.
5. The sport of choice for middle management is tennis.
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is golf.
The conclusion of the study: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
I'm a corporate executive -- I keep things from happening.
A few suggestions for corporate mergers: - PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Keebler, to be called Poly-Warner-Cracker
- Yahoo and Netscape-to be called Net'nYahoo
- 3M and Good year, to be called MMM-Good
- Knotts Berry Farm and National Organization for Women-to be called Knott NOW
- Federal Express and UPS, to be called FED UP
- Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs.
- Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild.
- John Deere & Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi
- Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home
- Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining: Mine, All Mine
- 3M, J.C. Penney, Metropolitan Opera Company: 3 Penney Opera
- Grey Poupon & Dockers Pants: Poupon Pants
- Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining: Zip Audi Do-Da
- Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay more...