Constipation Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man suffering from severe constipation went to consult a doctor. The doctor prescribed a laxative. It did not work. When the man turned up again the next day to complain of the medicine's ineffectiveness, the doctor prescribed a strong purgative. It had no effect either and the man turned up for something more effective. "What do you do for a living?" asked the doctor.
"I am a poet. I write Punjabi poetry," replied the man.
"Your trouble is not constipation," said the doctor, "there is nothing in your stomach to be evacuated. Take these ten rupees and get something to eat."
ADULTERY - The wrong people doing the right thing.
ALIMONY - The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
BABY - A hollow tube with a loud voice at one end and a complete lack of responsibility at the other end.
CANNIBAL - One who is apt to pass his best friend.
CHIVALRY - A mans inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.
CONSCIENCE - That which hurts when everything else feels so good.
CONSTIPATION - To have and to hold.
COOKIE - A virgin doughnut.
DANCE - A Naval engagement without the loss of seamen.
DIVORCE - What happens when two people cannot stomach each other any longer.
DECOY - A flashlight in the pants pocket.
DIARY - Book of revelations.
DOCTOR - A lucky fellow who is privileged to undress women and go all over them without getting his face slapped.
ENEMA - A goose with a gush.
EXPLORATION - Beating more...
Sister Mary Katherine lived in a nunnery, a block away from Jack's liquor store. One day, in walked Sister Mary K. and said, "Oh Jack, give me a pint o'the brandy."
Sister Mary Katherine," exclaimed Jack, " I could never do that! I have never sold alcohol to a nun in my life!"
"Oh Jack, she responded, it's only for the Mother Superior." Her voice dropped, "It helps her constipation, you know." So Jack sold her the brandy.
Later that night Jack closed the store and walked home. As he passed the nunnery, who should he see but Sister Mary Katherine? And she was snookered. She was singing and dancing, whirling around and flapping her arms like a bird, right there on the sidewalk. A crowd was gathering.
Jack pushed through and exclaimed, "Sister Mary Katherine! For shame! and you told me this was for the Mother Superior's constipation!"
Sister Mary Katherine didn't miss a beat as more...
Two nuns walk into a liquor store and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.
The clerk replied "Heck no sister, you nuns and aren't supposed to drink that stuff!"
The nun said "Well my son it is not for us you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers "She has the constipation."
The clerk said "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have."
The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave.
A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled he goes over to them and says "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"
One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"
Two nuns walk into a liquor store and one asked the clerk for the biggest bottle of Irish whisky he had.The clerk replied "Heck no sister, you nuns and aren't supposed to drink that stuff!"The nun said "Well my son it is not for us you see, it is for Mother Teresa," then the nun whispers "She has the constipation."The clerk said "Oh, in that case, it's on the house. Here's the biggest jug we have."The nuns thank him, bless him, and leave.A few hours later, as the clerk is leaving, he sees the same two sisters in the parking lot, rolling around and drinking the Irish whiskey. Appalled he goes over to them and says "You ladies lied to me! You told me it was for Mother Teresa for her constipation!"One of the nuns takes another swig, looks up at him and says "You wanna know something buddy? She sure will shit when she sees us!"