Clubhouse Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young woman dressed in shorts had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help... and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee," she said
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she replied.
He nodded knowingly and said," Then your stance is too wide."

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and I was beginning my pre-shot routine, visualizing my upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker.
"Would the gentleman on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee please!!"
I was still deep in my routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly back up to the men's tee."
I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the man yelled: "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee, PLEASE!
I finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mic and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot?"

Two avid golfers were sitting in the clubhouse. One said to his friend, "I'm sorry to hear that your uncle passed away last week. I understand that it was while you two were playing golf, and you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse! That must have been very hard for you, considering he weighed over two hundred pounds.""Oh, carrying him wasn't that hard," said his friend, sadly. "The difficult part was putting him down... and then having to pick him up again after every stroke."

German Shepard on Golf Course A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt.
Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem.
Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

German Shepard on Golf Course A golf pro was helping this attractive young woman with her swing when his zipper got caught in the rhinestones on the back of her skirt. Needless to say this was embarrassing to both of them since their relationship had been purely platonic. They decided to walk together in this lock-step back to the clubhouse where certainly a pair of needle-nosed pliers would fix the problem. Just as they turned the corner to the clubhouse a German Shepherd ran up and threw a bucket of water on them.

It was a sunny Saturday morning on the course and he was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualising his upcoming shot, when a voice came over the clubhouse speaker. "Would the gentleman on the woman's tee please go back up to the men's tee."

He was still deep into his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption.

Again the announcement, "Would the MAN on the WOMEN'S tee kindly go back up to the men's tee."

He simply ignored the voice and kept concentrating.

Once more the speaker blared, "Would the man on the woman's tee go back up to the men's tee, please!"

He finally stopped, turned, looked through the clubhouse window directly at the person with the mike and shouted back, "Would the person in the clubhouse kindly shut the hell up and let me play my second shot?"

Old man Woodruff loved golf, but his age was making it increasingly difficult for him to play. He complained to the clubhouse man about his eyesight.
"I can't play with my glasses on because they keep falling off," he said. "And I'm too darn nearsighted to play without them."
"Why don't you play with Hughes?" the clubhouse man suggested.
"Him?" Woodruff scoffed. "He's ninety-eight if he's a day, and he can't get around without a wheelchair!"
"True," said the clubhouse man, "but he's farsighted."
So the next day, Woodruff and Hughes played together. Woodruff took a tremendous swing and hit the ball well. "Boy, that felt good!" he exclaimed. "Did you see it?" he asked Hughes.
"Yes," the very old man replied.
"Where did it go?"
"I can't remember," Hughes sighed.