Chopped Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders ahamburger.The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"and orders ahamburger.The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"

A little boy was playing by a pond when he saw a Port-A-Potty. Feeling mischievous, he tipped it over into the pond, and ran all the way home. At dinner, his father told the story of how George Washington chopped down the cherry tree. Feeling incredibly guilty, the little boy 'fessed up and told his father about what had happened. Soon, the boy was spanked, and how! "Wait, dad! What's going on? I told you the truth!""Yes, you did. But George Washington's dad wasn't in the tree when he chopped it down!"

There are three men in the woods and they asked a dude if they could stay there for the night and he said yes as long as you dont f*** my dauhgter so the dude put gliter on his dauhters pussy and one mornig he told the three dudes to pull down there pants and the first dude had glitter on his d*ck so he chopped it off. the second dude had glitter on his d*ck to so he chopped it off as well and the third dude had glitter on his mouth.

Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gatheredaround him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room. Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "Thats it, one last timebefore I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver."Sams wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, its for after."

This recipe has been around for many years in many fashions but in recent years for some reason has fallen out of favor. Here we shall return to a true classic dish of alternative fine dining. The list of ingredients is as follows: 1 reindeer, appx. 125-175 lbs., skinned, dressed (though not in a tux; ha, ha) and head mounted if you so desire. 6-9 Christmas elves cleaned and finely diced, appx. 8 lbs. useable weight. 8 lbs. celery, finely chopped. 8 lbs. onions, finely chopped. 8 lbs. carrots, finely diced. 1 gallon vodka to numb the elves before you peel them and dice them. 32 lbs. dry bread crumbs. 3 gallons chicken stock. salt, pepper, to taste. Fresh garlic, 1-6 lbs. as you desire. 3-4 gallons of olive oil for basting the roasting reindeer. Saute' the onions, carrots, and celery ina large pan, using some olive oil, until tender.
Brown the diced elves in the same pan until lightly browned. Mix the vegetables, elves, bread crumbs, and the chicken stock, season to taste with more...