Gallons Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Got Milk?

    Hot 6 months ago

    When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath to make me more attractive." The milkman replied, "Oh, OK. Pasteurized?" The blonde looked at the milkman with a confused look on her face and said... "No. Just up to my boobs."

    If Airlines Sold Paint

    Hot 3 years ago

    IF AIRLINES SOLD PAINT...
    Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
    Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
    Customer: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
    Clerk: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
    Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
    Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
    Customer: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
    Clerk: When do you intend to use the paint?
    Customer: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
    Clerk: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
    Customer: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
    Clerk: You would have to start very late at night in about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
    Customer: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
    Clerk: I'll check and see if we have any paint more...

    A male blue whale, can ejaculate 40 gallons of sperm during sex.
    Only 10% of that will get to the female.
    The other 36 gallons is left in the sea.
    No wonder the sea's so salty.

    A Marine was coming home from the Pentagon one day. He noticed that there was a lot more traffic than normal.
    As he got further up the road all of the traffic had come to a halt. He saw a policeman coming towards his car, so he asked the cop what was wrong.
    The cop said, "Man we are in a crisis situation. Mr. Clinton is in the road very upset. He does not have the $33.5 million that he owes his lawyers, and his family hates him. He is threatening to douse himself in gasoline and start a fire."
    The marine asked the cop exactly what he was doing there." The cop said, " I feel sorry for the president so I am going car to car asking for donations."
    The marine asked, "How much do you have so far?" The cop replied, "Well as of right now only 33 gallons, but many people are still siphoning as we speak!"

    BUYING PAINT FROM A HARDWARE STORE
    Customer: Hi. How much is your paint?
    Clerk: We have regular quality for $12 a gallon and premium for $18.
    How many gallons would you like?
    Customer: Five gallons of regular quality, please.
    Clerk: Great. That will be $60 plus tax.
    BUYING PAINT FROM AN AIRLINE
    Customer: Hi, how much is your paint?
    Clerk: Well, sir, that all depends.
    Customer: Depends on what?
    Clerk: Actually, a lot of things.
    Customer: How about giving me an average price?
    Clerk: Wow, that's too hard a question. The lowest price is $9 a gallon, and we have 150 different prices up to $200 a gallon.
    Customer: What's the difference in the paint?
    Clerk: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
    Customer: Well, then, I'd like some of that $9 paint.
    Clerk: Well, first I need to ask you a few questions. When do you intend to use it?
    Customer: I want to paint tomorrow, on my day off.
    Clerk: Sir, the paint more...

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