Chopped Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Cherry Potty

    Hot 2 years ago

    A little boy was playing by a pond when he saw a Port-A-Potty. Feeling mischievous, he tipped it over into the pond, and ran all the way home. At dinner, his father told the story of how George Washington chopped down the cherry tree. Feeling incredibly guilty, the little boy 'fessed up and told his father about what had happened. Soon, the boy was spanked, and how! "Wait, dad! What's going on? I told you the truth!""Yes, you did. But George Washington's dad wasn't in the tree when he chopped it down!"

    A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders ahamburger.The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"and orders ahamburger.The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it inhis bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and tosses it on the grill.The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've everseen!"The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in themorning when he makes the doughnuts!"

    A man was in an accident and his penis was chopped off. He was
    rushed to the hospital where the doctor examined him, and after
    careful examination said, "We can replace it with a small size
    for $2,000, a medium size for $5,000, or an extra-large size
    for $10,000. I realize it's a lot of money, so take your time
    and talk it over with your wife."
    When the doctor came back into the room he found the man staring
    sadly at the floor.
    "We've decided," the man told him as he choked back tears.
    "My wife says she'd rather have a new kitchen!"

    Ben and Bill are lumberjacks. One fateful day, Ben accidently chopped off his arm. So Bill put the arm in a plastic bag. He took it to the hospital and says that it will take 6 hours to repair it. So Bill left for six hours and came back. The doctor said he finished up early and that Ben is at the bar. So Bill went to the bar and found Ben throwing darts with the reattached arm. A few weeks later Ben had nasty accident and chopped off his leg. So Bill put it in a plastic bag and took it to the hospital and the docter said it would take 8 hours to fix. So Bill waited 8 hours and then came to the hospital, and the doctor said the he finished up early and is at the soccer field. So Bill went to the soccer field to find Ben playing a grand game of soccer. The next month Ben had a deadly accident and chopped off his head, so Bill put it in a plastic bag and took it to the hospital. The doctor said the surgery would be pretty hard and he should wait 12 hours. Bill came back to the hospital more...

    The honest cajun

    Hot 5 years ago

    I heard this one on the radio, offered up by a Cajun cafe owner in Louisiana, so read it with a French Cajun accent...
    Leetle Jean and heez father lived down on zee bayou. Jean wuz a very strong boy for all of heez ten years of age. One day Jean's papa asked Jean if he wuz zee one who had pooshed their outhouse into zee waters of zee bayou.
    "Oh, no, Papa. I deed not do it!" say zee boy.
    Now, Jean's papa knew that zee boy had a mean streak, and being zee strong youngun that he wuz, he wuz certain that Jean must have done zee deed.
    He says: "Jean, now I really want you to tell me zee truth. Did you tip zee outhouse into zee bayou?"
    "Oh, no, Papa. I wouldn't do that!" say leetle Jean.
    Then Jean's Papa decides he must somehow win Jean's confidence to tell zee truth. He tells him zee following story.
    "Jean, oncest upon a time, our first president, George Washington, wuz a leetle boy jus' like you. One day heez papa asked heem more...

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