Bums Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every fucking one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I fucked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good blowjob?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a blow job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever.Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!""Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smackit till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords."So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smackingtheir dicks together playing swords.Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions."We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums.The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becomingexhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, killme!!"

Two bums were sitting on a street curb, bored as ever. Then, one of them got an idea, saying "I know, let's play swords!""Play swords?" asked the other. "How?" "Simple. Whip it out, smackit till it's hard, and we both whack'em together like swords." So they did, and they were running up and down the street, smackingtheir dicks together playing swords. Then, a gay man walked up to them and inquired about their actions." We're playing swords!" yelled one of the bums. The gay man wanted to play too. An hour later, the gay man was becomingexhausted. "I'm tired," he said. He bent over saying, "kill me!, killme!!"

There once was a nice lady and she used to pick up bums off the street and bring them to her house. She let the bums shower and sleep at her house and she would even give them something to eat.
One day she brought a bum home. She let him shower and then told him at night he had to sleep in the closet and if the pants hung in his face not to pull them down.
Later that night, after the bum had fallen asleep he woke up with the pants hanging in his face. Disobeying the nice lady, he pulled them down. The next morning the lady was angry to find her pants were no longer hanging, but she gave the bum a second chance.
The following night, at dinner, the bum was instructed to sleep on the floor. He was warned not to bother the cat because the cat bit. He said, "fine." During the night the man was awakened by the cat attacking him, so he shaved it.
In the morning, the nice lady woke up to find her cat hairless. She was pissed. She told the bum to leave. But, he more...

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward. The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari. The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, "Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped." The boy replied, "I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved." News, Politics
Three Bums "One day, three bums walked up to a mansion and knocked on the door. An old man came to the door and the bums asked if it would be all right for them to sleep in the mansion for the night.
The old man replied, "Yes, but under one condition."
"And what would that be?" asked one of the bums.
"As long as you sleep with my three daughters," said the old man. The bums more...

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her.Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high in the air.She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I have never seen more...

A lady is throwing a party for her granddaughter, and had gone all out... a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they will help chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half and hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and would probably not make the party at all.
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did mid-air flips, and leaped high in the air.
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely more...