Bobbing Jokes

With apologies to Mr Poe
As I kneel, head bowed, puking,
as I choke and snort my sputum
croaking, coughing, retching, groaning,
on the bathroom floor,
I think, though brain is dizzy,
things I've never thought before
Things I've missed, though often spewing,
or somehow managed to ignore
While I lie bedraggled,
on the stinking cold hard floor.
Now with head a-throbbing,
o'er the great white bowl I'm bobbing,
Bobbing, throbbing, weaving, chucking,
surely there can be no more?
No more vomit I lay praying,
Jesus! save me now, and seal my maw
And send a team of maidens
to mop this stinking cold hard floor
And if you do, I promise,
on my honour, Nevermore!
But lo! my gut's ill-fated,
and my heaves are unabated,
And now my thoughts turn back
to whence they were before,
As I'm squirming, smacking, flopping,
like a spastic being ignored.
And no maidens do I hear,
not one wet-wipe does more...

A man walked up to a hooker and asked if she could show him how to have sex, she asked how much will you pay me, and he said, "
all i have is a $
1.80"
. "
Alright then,"
she said, placing 10cents on his right shoulder, telling him to drop and lift the shoulder rapidly, he did, she then placed 20cents on his left shoulder and told him to drop and lift it rapidly but going up when the right shoulders going down, and vice versa. He did She then placed 50cents in his ass cheeks, she then asked the man to bob his bum back and forth, after doing the shoulder movements, he did. She then placed $1 on his dick and asked him to do the bum bobbing again, so he did. Then she said now put them all together and practice for 10 minutes, in this order, right shoulder left shoulder bum and dick, R/shoulder 10cents, L/shoulder 20cents, bum bobbing 50cents and the dick a dollar, while saying, 10cents 20cents 50cents a dollar!, 10cents 20cents 50cents a dollar! more...