Bean Jokes / Recent Jokes

The guest was a bit surprised when his host served him a dinner of nothing but a dish of bean curd The host praised the virtues of bean curd, saying, "Bean curd is my life; it's the most delicious food in the world."
One day, he had the chance to visit his friend, who remembered that the man loved bean curd and so he served fish and meat with bean curd However, the man devoured only the fish and meat, and didn't touch the bean curd His friend asked, "You say bean curd is your life, but why don't you eat it today?"
The man answered, " I guess when I see fish and meat on my plate, I don't want my life anymore."

If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader, she'd be Ella Vader.
If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd then become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.
If Ivana Trump married, in succession, Orson Bean (actor), King Oscar (of Norway), Louis B. Mayer (of MGM), and Norbert Wiener (mathematician), she would then become Ivana Bean Oscar Mayer Wiener.
If Liv Ullman married Judge Lance Ito, then divorced him and married Jerry Mathers, she'd be Liv Ito Beaver.
If Bea Arthur married Sting, she'd be Bea Sting.
If Tuesday Weld married Hal March III, she'd be Tuesday March 3.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Lima Bean!
Lima Bean who?
Lima Bean working on the railroad....!

Do Or Say If You Wake Up To Your Roommate Having Sex50. (the obvious) "Ooooooo"49. "That would work better the other way around.. " 48. Sniff. Sniff. "Is something burning?" 47. "Damn, that's complicated." 46. "Wait, wait, use my pillow." 45. "Alright already, _I_came." 44. "You guys need a value pak." 43. Smoke a pipe. Every once in a while wave it around and say "Good show, old bean." 42. "Is that sperm or a mudpack?" 41. "You've got something stuck in your teeth." 40. "4 out of 5 dentists say that's bad for your enamel." 39. Go to the fridge, break open a cold one and pick up the remote. Point and click. Complain when they don't change positions. 38. "You know, they say that three's a charm." 37. Suggest your favorite position. 36. Shine a flashlight on them and say, "This is a citizen's arrest, assume the position." 35. "Bring in the Gimp." more...

Mr. Bean: (crying) "The doctor called, Mom's dead."
Friend: "Condolence, my friend."
After receiving a phone call, Mr. Bean cries even louder.
Friend: "What now?"
Mr. Bean: "My sister just called, her mom died too!"

Waiter, there is a fly in my bean soup! Dont worry sir Ill fish him out and exchange it for a bean!

Albert Garcia Jr. sued the state in 1992 because the Ely State Prison began delivering his legal mail from 9 p. m. to 10 p. m. He claimed the delivery time interfered with his sleeping pattern.
Kenneth Parker sued the state because he ordered two jars of chunky peanut butter from the prison canteen at Nevada State Prison in 1989 but received one jar of chunky and one jar of creamy peanut butter. While Parker was later given the peanut butter he requested, he still pursued the case, and it was later dismissed.
Randall Wildeman sued the state in 1991 because a Nevada State Prison officer destroyed the bras and bikini panties he had in his cell. Wildeman claimed he was making women's clothing to be sent as gifts.
Michael Sims sued the state in 1994 on the grounds that a prison guard at the Ely State Prison was calling him names. Sims said the guard called him a "faggot" and a "snitch" and put him in a life-threatening situation.
Donald Ferris sued more...