Baldwin Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and state the conditions."Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an inappropriate question and my parents are going tohear of it when I get home!"She sat down, red-faced."Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin."The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan."Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you going to be disappointed someday!"

In light of the vicious custody battle over their daughter Ireland, a judge has ordered Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger to begin using separate names for her.

Mr. Baldwin will call her "Sinn Fein," and Ms. Basinger will refer to her simply as "The Ulster Unionist".

Kim Basinger denies she leaked a voicemail in which her ex-husband, Alec Baldwin, calls their 11-year-old daughter a "rude, thoughtless little pig."

She also denied making the movies "Nadine," "Blind Date" and "My Stepmother Is an Alien."

Tipton and Baldwin shared a room on the North Carolina campus. One day Tipton came in and said to his roommate, "I hear theres a new case of herpes in the dorm." "Great!" said Baldwin. "I was getting tired of 7-Up!"

Tipton and Baldwin shared a room on the North Carolina campus. One day Tipton came in and said to his roommate, "I hear there's a new case of herpes in the dorm." "Great!" said Baldwin. "I was getting tired of 7-Up!"

We can't get to the phone right now...leave a message...beep

alec baldwin: you have insulted me for the last time...you don't have the brains or decency...i'm going to straigthen your ass out...you are a rude, thoughtless, little pig...

ireland: hello, daddy...what did i do?

Alec: I'm sorry honey...i thought i was calling uncle daniel

Tom Cruise, Steven Seagal, and Alec Baldwin were in a jungle filming a movie. Sadly, they were taken prisoner by the local tribe. As they were about to be executed, they begged the queen of the tribe for mercy.
She considered their plea and said, "Get me something good to eat. If I like it, you will be freed." The three stars looked at each other and agreed. They then went into the jungle to look for some food.
Tom Cruise was the first to come back. He came up to the altar and offered grapes. She tasted one and immediately spat it out. She ordered her servants to shove the rest of them up his ass. The servants finished their duty, leaving him screaming.
Seagal was the next to arrive with some yummy apples. The same thing happened to him, but curiously he laughed as the apples were shoved up his ass.
Tom Cruise was shocked. Here he was with grapes up his ass howling in pain, but Seagal had several apples in his ass and he was still laughing. He asked him more...