Armed Jokes / Recent Jokes
Extracted from US news papers:
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In Detroit, the lawyer for accused murderer Rondelle Woods, 23, delivered part of his closing
argument to the jury in rap:' Went to a party, sweet 16, decided to stay on the scene.' Woods was
acquitted. But in Las Vegas in December, Eric Clark, 22, pleaded with the judge, in rap for a light
sentence:' I'm sellin' dope, and I as gettin' paid too blind to see how I was gettin' played.' He
got 23 years. - Universal Press Syndicate
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A Tokyo company, Juonsha, recently began offering a mail-order curse kit, featuring a straw doll to
represent the hexee, along with eight accessories, including nails, a curse manual, and a
curse-blocking doll to ward off return curses. The company at first marketed to boys and girls
bullied at school, but discovered the major market is women who hope to put spells on neighbors,
in-laws and more...
The classified ad said, "Wanted: CEO needs a one armed consultant, with a social sciences degree and five years of experience."
The man who won the job asked, "I understand most of the qualifications you required, but why' one armed'?"
The CEO answered, "I have had many consultants, and I am tired of hearing with each advice the phrase' on the other hand'."
A man tried to rob a bank. As a disguise, he wore a paper sack over his head. The sack was secured by a rope around his neck.
Only very small peep holes were cut out so he could see. Armed with a shotgun, the robber told the teller to start emptying the tills and he commanded everyone else to drop to the floor or he would start shooting.
Everyone in the bank complied with the armed robber's command.
Then suddenly, as the robber moved closer to the tellers window, he began to wobble and walk erratically. Seconds later, the armed robber fell to the floor. He dropped his shotgun. It appeared that he was not moving, so a security officer picked up the gun and told the robber he was under arrest. It was apparent that there was something wrong with the robber. The security officer and a customer in the bank, with medical experience, tried to remove the mask.
They had difficulty getting the rope untied from around the man's neck and so had to rip more...
Eleazer Bokar appeared at the gates of Heaven and knocked for admittance. The great doors slowly swung open and the patriach Abraham stepped out, blowing his golden trumpet. When he had finished the welcoming concerto, he turned to Eleazer and said, "Greetings, blood of my blood and flesh of my flesh. God awaits you."
Recovering from the awesome splendor of this type of welcome, Eleazer quickly replied, "Father Abraham, I am ready to meet our God," and stepped forward to enter the celestial portals.
"Wait, my brother," said Abraham, halting Eleazer with an imperiously, upraised palm. "Before entering God's Kingdom, you must first prove that you are worthy of the honor."
"But how can I prove my worthiness," queried Eleazer.
"You must show that, at least once in your mortal life, you displayed outstanding courage. Can you recall one unquestionably brave deed?"
Eleazer's face brightened as he said, more...
A Denton, Texas man was arrested for filing a false police report after he called 911 to report... his own murder. The man told the operator he had been "murdered, beaten, possibly kidnapped and thrown down on a bed of spikes." Police found the man a short time later, still on the convenience store pay-phone he had used to make the call. "It was obvious he hadn't been murdered," said one of the arresting officers.NO... WE'RE JUST GLAD TO SEE YOUTwo wildlife collectors were caught at a Texas border crossing when Customs agents found snakes in their underwear. The men had tied the snakes into pantyhose and stuffed them into their groin area to sneak them across the border from Mexico. Customs inspectors noticed the bulges were wiggling and ordered the pair to drop their pants. The inspectors found 14 snakes - including a boa constrictor - hidden in the men's pants, boots and pickup truck. The inspectors say they suspected at first that the men were smuggling more...