Arbor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Last year, in anticipation of abortions possibly becoming illegal in Michigan,
Ann Arbor voters passed an amendment to the city charter making the maximum
allowed penalty for getting an illegal abortion a $5 fine. (As a side note, the
same election increased the fine for possessing small quantities of marijuana
from $5 to $25 for a first offense and $100 for a second).
However, the really strange thing about this policy is that its enforcement
would be assigned to the Parking Department.
So I guess this is a way of penalizing excessive parking after 6 p.m..
But what I have to wonder is what they'll do to women who don't pay their
abortion tickets. Since 6 unpaid traffic tickets results in getting your
car booted, will 6 unpaid abortion tickets result in having a chastity belt
put on you?

Idiot #1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right away.
Idiot #2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed more...

Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank`s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn`t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he`d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block more...

Q: Did you hear the one about Arbor Day?
A: It'll leaf you laughing!
Q: Did you hear hte one about the oak tree?
A: It's acorny one!
Q: Did you hear the one about the redwood?
A: It's tere-mendous!
Q: Why was the pine tree sent to its room?
A: Because he heard it was a sycamore!
Q: What kind of tree is often found in the kitchen?
A: A pantry!
Q: Why was the tree drooling?
A: It was a dogwood.

It was Arbor Day, and a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all planted something.
The redhead planted flowers in her front yard.
The brunette planted a tree in her back yard.
The blonde didn't know what to plant, so she asked the redhead.
"Plant something that looks good," she said.
The blonde still didn't know what to plant, so she asked the brunette.
"Plant something you want more of," she said.
The blonde finally knew what to plant. The next day, her husband was declared a missing person.