Boeing Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Boeing's angling for yule order
    Jean Godden - Times Staff Columnist
    Here's an offer that Santa Clause may not be able to resist. Engineers at Boeing have done some figuring and they are convinced the Boeing 757 would make the perfect sleigh for Santa. (That, of course, assumes that Santa is ready to trade in the old buggy.)
    Here are some stats:
    The 757 can seat Santa and 185 of his elves.
    The 757's lower cargo hold has space for 5,370 twelve-inch gift-boxed teddy bears.
    The 757 can fly the 3,416 miles from the North Pole to Seattle with just one stop. (It does 2,500 miles without refueling.)
    The 757, powered by two jet engines, can fly as fast as 500 mph. Reindeer are optional equipment.
    The 757 can operate in the North Pole climate. It has been certified for temperatures as low as minus 65 degrees Fahrenheit.
    The 757 has an autoland system that will allow Santa to land in weather conditions with near-zero visibility. (Rudolph, cry your eyes more...

    Idiot # 1
    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She
    calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
    Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
    ~~~
    Idiot # 2
    Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that the
    chopper was going in on the emergency locator beacon which more...

    Idiot #1
    I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency Room right away.
    Idiot #2
    Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, they were surprised by a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator that is activated when the raft is inflated. They are no longer employed more...

    Santa gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. He has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense.
    As soon as he boarded the plane, a Boeing737, he started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING! BOEING!!! BO... "
    He sort of forgets where he is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!"
    There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at Santa and the angry Pilot.
    Santa stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

    The airline business has always had a rich sense of humor, and one purportedly true story doing the rounds at the moment upholds the tradition. It concerns a stormy flight aboard a Boeing aircraft; an off-duty airline stewardess is sitting next to a man in the grip of serious white-knuckle fever as he watches, through his porthole, the aircraft's wing bending and bouncing in the tempest.The stewardess tries to reassure him; she works in the industry and flies all the time, she tells him. There is nothing to worry about; "the pilots have everything under control."

    "Madam," he replies, "I am a Boeing engineer and we did not design this aircraft to do what it is doing."

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