Allah Jokes / Recent Jokes

A report earlier this year cited 45 internet café bombings in Gaza since December 1, 2006:

About 45 Internet outlets have been bombed since Dec. 1, according to figures from Gaza’s Central Police Office...“This just shows how confused these fanatics are,” said [bombed Internet Cafe owner Alaa] Al-Shawa, 27. “Even they use the Internet to circulate their statements, but they think everyone else uses it for porno.”

Imagine: There you are, just minding your own business downloading bomb recipes and beheading videos--and boom! How is a person supposed to concentrate on becoming a jihadist with these constant disruptions?

And here was a Thursday news item from Gaza:

An explosion ripped through a car east of Gaza City late Thursday, witnesses said, and hospital officials said one person was killed and another was seriously wounded...Some blasts that do not involve the military are caused by explosive devices intended for use against Israel that more...

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had awonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautifulcountry, and on each house I saw a banner.""What did it say on the banners?" Clinton asks. Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah."Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner.""What could you see on the banners?" Saddam asks. Clinton replies, "I dont know. I cant read Hebrew."

Once upon a time there was a nice young man called Karim. He used to sell caps for a living, and roamed around several villages. One day he would be in Mughalsarai, the other day people would find him in Faizabad.

It was an afternoon in the summer and he was traversing the vast plains when he felt tired and wanted to have a nap. He found a nice mango tree with lots of branches and cool shade, placed his bag of caps beside him and went to sleep. Tired as he was, he was quickly fast asleep. When he woke up after a refreshing little nap, he found that there weren't any caps in his bag!

"Oh, Allah!", he said to himself, "Did the thieves have to find me of all people?" But then he noticed that the mango tree was full of cute monkeys wearing colorful caps!

He yelled at the monkeys and they screamed back. He made faces at them and found the monkeys to be experts at that. He threw stones at them and they showered him with raw more...

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had awonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautifulcountry, and on each house I saw a banner." "What did it say on the banners?" Clinton asks. Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah." Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner." "What could you see on the banners?" Saddam asks. Clinton replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner." "What did it say on the banners?" Clinton asks. Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah." Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner." "What could you see on the banners?" Saddam asks. Clinton replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."

Saddam Hussein phoned President Bush and said, "George, I called you because I had this incredible dream last night. I could see all of America, and it was beautiful and on top of every building, there was a beautiful banner."
Bush asked, "What was on the banner?"

Saddam responded, "It said Allah is God, and God is Allah." Bush said, "You know, Saddam, I'm really glad you called, because last night I had a dream too. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was even more beautiful than before the war. It had been completely rebuilt, and on every building there was also a beautiful banner." Saddam said, "What was on the banner?" Bush replied, "I really don't know. I don't read Hebrew."

A Muslim dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter meets him at the gate and says, "Welcome to heaven my son, please enter!"
The Muslim says "Oh no, no, I cannot enter without seeing Allah." St. Peter says, "Oh... Allah. He is upstairs."
The Muslim says, "Well of course, Allah is upstairs!" He climbs upstairs and meets Jesus.
Jesus says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter!" And the Muslim says "Oh no, no, with all due respect, I cannot enter without seeing Allah."
Jesus says "But of course...Allah is upstairs, top floor."
The Muslim smiles and thinks to himself, "Of course, Allah is on top of heaven itself because He is most high!"
At the final gate he meets the all mighty Lord himself who says "Welcome to heaven my child, please enter."
As expected, the Muslim says he cannot enter without meeting Allah, to which the Lord replies "I understand, more...