"Women's Quotes" joke

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes, because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
---Dolly Parton---

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
---Erica Jong---

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hrs. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hrs.
---Rita Rudner---

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or our lives.
---Rita Rudner---

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
---Erma Bombeck---

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
---Sue Grafton---

I think----therefore I'm single.
---Lizz Winstead---

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
---Elayne Bossler---

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
---Maryon Pearson---

I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
--Gilda Radner---

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.
---Margaret Thatcher---

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, I have a parrot that swears all afternoon, & a cat that comes home late at night.
---Marie Corelli---

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
---Zsa Zsa Gabor---