"Windows 3.1. for Macintosh..." joke
I heard that Microsoft is going to come out with a version of Windows for the MacIntosh. I can imagine what the advertisements will be:
Are you tired of the user-friendliness of your MacIntosh? Then get Microsoft Windows for MacIntosh, featuring limited on-line help and poor documentation!
Why settle for intuitive keyboard commands when you can have confusing F-key combinations? But don't take our word for it-here are some satisfied customers:
"I couldn't stand all the easy drag-and-click commands on my MacIntosh. Now I can do everything with wordy commands that only work on one file or directory at a time!"
- Goober McLeod, IBM user for 15 years
"I hated the 'automatic startup' files. Now, I can go back to my autoexec.bat file and pray I've got everything set up right! Plus, MS-Windows even disabled the Find File command, so I can search all my directories by hand to find those utilities I lost!"
- Joey Boring, still using a VT-52
"What's with these 30-odd letter file names? I like MS-Windows much better; it only lets me use eight characters! Thanks for clearing up the confusion!"
- Mark Rodgers, who thinks HP calculators are easy to use
"By using the Memory Mismanagment(TM) utility, I can have my computer ignore the 32 MB of RAM it's got and only see 640K of it! Just like the good old days!"
- Horace Kludge, using the "leading edge" of technology on his WANG
"Multi-tasking? Who needs it? When I run a program, I want it FINISHED before starting another one! And MS-Windows lets me do just that!"
- Donald Hapershnalzik, still programming in COBOL
"All those fonts on my MacIntosh keep confusing me. But with MS-Windows there's only one! My word processor is much easier to use now that I have no choice on the font!"
- Larry Linkworm, still confused by his VCR
"MS-Windows even disabled the control panels! Once again, my speaker is set at full volume, and I have no choice on how the displays look! That gives me lots more time to run the limited programs that work under Windows!"
- Marty Halfgear, who is fascinated by bright and shiny objects
And look at the other options available:
Non-standard keyboard commands. It's much more fun to learn new commands with each new program you get, right?
Different system requirements for each program, requiring a reboot each time!
The "3.3" option, which forces you to partition your hard drive into 10MB segments!
Limited mouse support!
MS-Windows for MacIntosh. For De-Evolutionary people.
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