"Off Duty" joke
A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said,' 'Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache.''
''Certainly, honey,'' he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise,' 'Say,'' said the druggist,' 'I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?''
''Yeah, so?'' said the officer.' 'Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?''
A Scotsman was shipwrecked and finally washed ashore on a small island. As he regains consciousness on the beach, he sees a beautiful unclad nymphet standing over him. She asks,' 'Would you like some food?'' The Scot hoarsely croaks,' 'Och, lassie, I havna' ittin a bite in a more...
A worried father confronted his daughter one night.' I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it.'
'Oh no, Daddy,' the daughter replied,' Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness more...
Mr. Smith got himself a new secretary. She was young, pretty, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation she noticed his fly was open. Upon leaving the room she said,' Mr. Smith, do you know your barracks door is open?'
He didn't immediately understand her more...
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack.
Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
"Olympic condoms?", she blurts, "What makes them so more...
A husband and wife noticed that their little boy's penis was a little too small so they took him to the doctor. They expressed their concerns to the doctor. The doctor said to feed the little boy lots of toast.
The next morning, the wife gets up really early and makes more...