"I'm so ugly" joke
I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes.
A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.
Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're shagging your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them stupid bastards because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
A guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud' hiss-pop' noise.' The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,' explains the guide.' more...
Don't knock on Death's door.
Instead, ring the bell and run. Death hates that...