"I'm so ugly" joke

I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

Carving a canoe isn't that hard. You just take a big block of wood and chip away everything that's not a canoe.

My ex-wife thinks cooking and fucking are cities in China.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

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