"I'm so ugly" joke
I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
The hungover couple dawdled over a mid-afternoon breakfast, after a particularly wild all-night party held in their fashionable apartment.
"Dearest, this is rather embarrassing," said the husband, "but was it you I made love to in the library last more...
Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning. Wife: When did you first miss it, dear? Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.
A duck walks into a general store and asks the manager:
- "Got any fresh fruit?"
- "Got any fresh vegetables?"
- "No. We have only canned and dry goods."
The next day, the duck returns:
- "Got any fresh more...
Q: What do a tornado, a hurricane and a redneck divorce have in common?
A: In the end, someone is going to loose a house trailer.
Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!