"I'm so ugly" joke

I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Wise men talk because they have something to say, Fools talk because they have to say something.

A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a
bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes
a genie.
The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello Master, I
will grant you one wish, anything that you want."
The more...

"What's that medal for, grandpa?"

"Oh, the Purple Heart, sweetie. You're given it when you're injured in the line of duty."

"And that shiny one with the eagle?"

"The Soldier's Medal, hun. I got it for pulling out two more...

What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms!

Q: What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother?
A: Leave the plunger in the toilet

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