"I'm so ugly" joke

I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:
Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
Hand Job: $10.00
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive more...

Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

A recent survey asked 100 women if their c#*t twitched after sex.
98% replied no he usually just rolls over and falls asleep.

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again."
Soldier: "Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth... the rest was made in China.

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