Wallet Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Artie

    Hot 6 years ago

    This young husband realizes he has made a mistake marrying his wife and decides to have her offed for her insurance. Through a friend of a friend, the young husband locates "Artie" who has done these contracts before.
    Artie meets with the young husband and Artie agrees to do the job for $10,000 with $5,000 upfront. The husband says he doesn't have that kind of money now but will when he collects the insurance money. Artie says he still wants something. What's in his wallet? The young husband pulls out his wallet and shows Artie a dollar. Artie takes the dollar as the down payment.
    Artie tails the wife and follows her into the produce section of a grocery store. Thinking they're alone, Artie approaches the wife and chokes her to death. A produce worker comes up having seen the whole thing. Not wanting to leave any witnesses, Artie chokes him to death, too. Unbeknownst to Artie, this is all captured on the in-store camera. Artie is caught. The headlines the next day more...

    Hunter Sardar

    Hot 4 years ago

    A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like Sardars. The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
    The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin' license, boy?"
    The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck. This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"
    The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, more...

    I'm so ugly

    Hot 3 years ago

    I'm so ugly. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

    A blonde walked up to a man and said, "Give me your wallet." The man said, "Okay, but give me the gun."The blonde gave him the gun and the man gave his wallet. The man used the gun to steal his wallet back.The blonde said, "You're an idiot - there's no bullets in the gun." The man replied, "You're the idiot - there's no money in the wallet." Blonde
    Natural blonde "a blonde walkes into a library and asks the libriran for fries a burger and a milkshake the libriran goes this is a library the blonde looks around for a few seconds and whispers can i have fries a burger and a milkshake

    A poor man walks into a bar. Another man sat down 2 feet away from him, and pulled out a wad of $50s from his wallet. The poor man got an idea. He tells the rich man,
    "I have a special talent. I bet you all the money in your wallet I can sing a song with any woman's name in it."
    The rich man laughed. "Alright. How about my wife's name, Joanne Skyler Thomas?"
    What does the poor man sing?
    -_-_-_-_-_-_-_-
    Answer: "Happy Birthday" It's a real song, and can have anyone's name in it. The poor man walks away rich. The rich man walks away poor.

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