"Elvis Lives" joke
Father O'Malley has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, he decides to take a vacation. He's never been married and is curious about what Americans endure in everyday life, so he decides to go to the States before it's too late.
He hops on a Nevada bound plane and arrives at the airport in Las Vegas. While he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to hm and exclaims, "Elvis! Good Lord, it's Elvis! I always knew you weren't dead, Elvis! How have you been?"
Father O'Malley looks at her and says, "Get outta me face. Can you not see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like him." He then moves on to his taxi waiting outside. He hops in the cab and is a little upset, so he tells the cabby, "Take me to my hotel and step on it."
The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing, sir - Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I happen to be your number one fan! It's wonderful to see you!"
"Shut up, you imbecile. I am not Elvis! Now turn around and drive!" snaps the Father. So, the cabby speeds up to the hotel where Father O'Malley gathers his things and walks up to the hotel check-in counter.
"Oh my Lord! Oh, dear! It's you!" screeches the hotel clerk. "You're back Elvis! I always knew this day would come. We saved everything just the way you like it! Free cheeseburgers, peanut butter and banana fried sandwiches, masseurs, complimentary hookers and a full liquor bar! I am so glad to see you're back!"
Father O'Malley looks at the hotel clerk, curls his lip and says, "Thank you. Thank you very much!"
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