Woof Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops. They turn into a dark alley and find three potato sacks, so they hide in them. The cop kicks the bag with the brunette in it, and the brunette says WOOF WOOF. The cop kicks the one with the redhead in it and she says MEOW MEOW. The cop kicks the bag with the blonde in it, and she says POTATOES!!!

A man walks into a shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here."
"What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish dog. Look."
And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck this dog has a tallis bag round its neck.
"Rover," says the man, "daven!". "Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head.
"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck.
"Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven.
"That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him more...

A man walks into a shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here.""What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish dog. Look."And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck this dog has a tallis bag round its neck."Rover," says the man, "daven!"."Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head."Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck."Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven."That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies, you could make a more...

What do you get when you have a cow and a duck?
Milk and quackers.
What does an envelope say when you lick it?
Nothing, it just shuts up.
What does Michael Jackson call his "Tickle-me Elmo" doll?
Bait.
What goes "99 thump 99 thump 99 thump...?"
A centipede with a wooden leg.
What goes "Tick tock, woof woof"?
A watch dog.
What is a reptile's favorite movie?
The Lizard of Oz.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
Decomposing.
What kind of reptile tells time?
A clock-odile.
What kind of snack do little monkeys have with their milk?
Chocolate chimp cookies.
What magazine do cats like to read?
Good Mousekeeping.
What's happening when you hear "woof...splat...meow...splat?"
It's raining cats and dogs.

A man walks into a bar with his dog and goes up to the bartender and says, " I bet you $50 that my dog can talk!"

The bartender laughing at the man says, "Okay, you're on pal!"

So the man asks his dog, "What is on top of a house?" and the dog replies back "Woof" The man satisfied with the dog's answer says, "There my dog talked!"

The bartender then says " No he didn't he just barked! You owe me $50!" The man gives the bartender his $50 and storms out of the bar.

The next day, the man comes back with the same dog and says to the bartender, "Okay now I bet you $100 that my dog can talk!"

The bartender laughs at him again and says " Okay you're on!"

The man then asks his dog, " Who is the greatest baseball player ever?"

And the dog replies "Woof!"

The man shouts at the bartender "There my dog more...