Tourists Jokes / Recent Jokes

Visitors from a strange land where coffee doesn't cost five dollars
Victims
Gator bait
Walking ATM machines
The people who brought you George W. Bush
Taxi roadkill
Witnesses
Senator Clinton
Annoying weirdos who don't speak any English (... sorry, that's what tourists call New Yorkers)
Mr. I'm-too-good-to-take-a-leak-on-the-subway
MMI, Viacom Internet Services Inc.

A busload of American tourists was heading towards Punjab on G. T. Road when suddenly the driver slammed on the brakes.
Lying on the road in front was a sardarji with his ear to the ground. The passengers trooped out of the bus and crowded around the man.' Hey, what are you doing down there pal?', asked one of the tourists.
The man slowly raised his head and replied:' Green Matador 25 km away travelling at 80 km.'
'Wow!', exclaimed the tourist.' You can tell us that by listening to the road?'
'No,' croaked the sardarji,' I fell off the damned thing.'

New Words for the 2000s
Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.
SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.
Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in a divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
Tourists - People more...

New Words for the 2000sBlamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.Uninstalled - Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voicemail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also Decruitment.SITCOMs - What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage.Starter Marriage - A short-lived first marriage that ends in a divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.Tourists - People who take training classes just to get more...

The Hotel Odeon in Paris is offering tourists a' Diana Tour' - a personal reenactment of Princess Diana's last night alive. For $50 extra you can enjoy the "Land Mind Obstacle Course".

New Corporate Buzz Words for the 90`s

Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Body Nazis: Hard-core exercise and weight-lifting fanatics who look down on anyone who doesn`t work out obsessively.
Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, and then leaves.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands.
Cube Farm: An office filled with cubicles.
Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Mouse Potato: The online, wired generation`s answer to the couch potato.
Prairie Dogging: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people`s heads pop up over the walls to see what`s going on.
SITCOMs: What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. Stands for more...

A feeling common to most Canadians is that Americans, when met
individually, can be so likable, while the country as a whole is not. The
American I liked best in my travels about Europe was the young man I
encountered one day at the Acropolis as tourists scrambled to record that
crowning achievement high above smoggy Athens. He was standing outside the
Parthenon, offering to operate the cameras carried by an endless series of
puffing couples in pastels and pinks. He had grown so ashamed of the
gaucheness and vulgarity of his fellow Americans throughout Europe that he
decided the Parthenon-the site of the photograph of a lifetime for Madge and
Henry-was the spot for revenge. He took all their pictures for them-
while carefully cutting off their heads or including only their feet. He
cackled as he imagined all those tourists, safely back home in Iowa or
Louisiana, finding out when the drugstore returned their Kodak prints that more...