Texan Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Cotton balls

    Hot 1 year ago

    A Texan walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles... The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"
    The Texan answers, "You see, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, hell, I figure that if I have to roll my own, so can she!"

    A Texas rancher was driving through Mexico and stopped at the edge of the road to admire the scenery and a white beautiful horse caught his eye. The horse looked healthy well kept and was in a separate corral. Just for tries the Texan asked one of the workers if the horse was for sale. The worker trying to communicate said "No, no, he no look to good." The Texan was not satisfied with the answered because he saw that the animal looked great and insisted on buying it, after a few arguments the worker arranged for the sale and the Texan took the horse back to his ranch. He rode the horse through his ranch and galloped to the barn when suddenly the horse ran right into the barn wall. Frustrated the Texan takes the horse back to Mexico and talks to the worker that sold him the horse and explains what happened. The worker said, "I told you he no look to good"

    You Wanna Brag?

    Hot 5 years ago

    A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation.
    There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking.
    The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large."
    Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows."
    The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a mob of kangaroos hopping through the field.
    He asks, "And what are those?"
    The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look,
    "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"

    Remember the Alamo

    Hot 3 years ago

    An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says,
    "We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"
    The four open the door and look out below.
    The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.
    The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.
    This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

    We got a lot of those.

    Hot 6 years ago

    Three cowboys, a Texan, a Californian, and an Oregonian, were sitting around a campfire smoking, drinking and having a good time. The Texan takes a full bottle of the finest tequila, throws it up in the air and shoots it to pieces. The Californian and Oregonian are clearly dismayed at that show, and ask "Now what'd you go and do THAT for?" The Texan just drawled "Where I come from, we got a lot of those."
    Not to be outdone, the Californian reaches in his saddle bag and pulls out a full bottle of the best Californian wine there is. He throws the bottle in the air, whips out his gun, and shoots it to pieces. The Oregonian and the Texan both groan, but the Californian is quick to point out "Where I come from, we've got a lot of those."
    Next the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of the best microbrew beer that Portland makes. He throws the bottle high up in the air, takes out his gun, shoots the Californian, catches the bottle, and proceeds to drink the more...

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