If life hands you lemons, break out the tequila!
A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is.
Bartender: "Well, FIRST you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it. SECOND, there's a 'gator out back with a sore tooth...you have to remove it with your bare hands. THIRD, there's a woman up-stairs who's ever had an orgasm. You gotta make things right for her.
Man: Well, as much as I would love free beer, I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and the requirements get crazier from there.
Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?" He grabs the gallon of tequilla with both hands, and downs it with a big slurp and tears streaming down his face.
Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and more...
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
A guy enters a bar and sees a large jar with $10 bills in it. "What's with the jar of money?" he asks the bartender.
"We're having a contest," explains the bartender. "First you put $10 in the jar, then you have three tasks to complete. If you complete all three, you get the money that's in the jar."
"What the hell," the guy says, "I'll give it a try." He puts his money in the jar and asks what the tasks are.
"First," the bartender says, "you have to drink 10 shots of Tequila in a row without making a face. Second, my Doberman is out back and he has a sore tooth. You have to pull out his tooth, but I must warn you, he can be quite ferocious. Third, there's an old woman upstairs who's never had sex. You must have sex with her.
The guy agrees, so the bartender lines up the Tequila shots and he drinks them all down without making a face. Now quite drunk, he staggers out back and the bartender hears a lot of more...
Three guys go into a bar: a guy from Dallas, a guy from San Francisco, and a guy from Boulder. They drank and got a little rowdy. Suddenly, completely without warning, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, unscrewed the top, took a good swig, and threw the bottle into the air. He then jerked a Colt. 45 pistol out of his pocket and shot the bottle, spraying tequila all over everything and everybody. The patrons at the bar shouted, “Hey, bud, why’d you waste that tequila? ” The Texan said, “Heck, it’s just tequila. Us Texans go across the border all the time and get all the tequila we want. ” Not to be outdone, the Californian whipped out a corkscrew and uncorked a bottle of wine. He poured some into a glass, swirled it, sniffed, commented on the tart insolence of its bouquet, sipped, tossed the bottle in the air, nicked it with a round from a silly little chrome-plated pistol, and showered a couple of patrons at the bar with wine. The patrons, upset by the casual waste and more...