Stared Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rules that guys wished girls knew..........
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see
if he can find the perfect present, again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and
monster trucks.
8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like
every other cat.
9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
11. Shopping is not sport.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough more...

A redhead, brunette and a blond went to the doctor. As they sat in the waiting room, the redhead got bored and went to the small fishbowl in the middle of the room where a goldfish swam around happily.
The redhead stared at the goldfish and the fish also stared back. After 1 minute, the redhead tilted her head to the left and the fish swam in that direction. She tilted her head to the right and the fish also swam to the right.
The brunette saw this trick, was impressed and asked the redhead how she did it. "Easy", replied the redhead. "It's just mind over matter."
So, the brunette stared at the fish and the fish also stared back. After 3 minutes, the brunette tilted her head to the left and the fish swam in that direction. She tilted her head to the right and the fish also swam to the right.
The blond, seeing this trick, was also impressed and asked the brunette how she did it. "Easy", replied the brunette. "It's just mind over more...

A mathematician went insane and believed that he was the differentiation operator. His friends had him placed in a mental hospital until he got better. All day he would go around frightening the other patients by staring at them and saying "I differentiate you!"

One day he met a new patient; and true to form he stared at him and said "I differentiate you!", but for once, his victim's expression didn't change. Surprised, the mathematician marshalled his energies, stared fiercely at the new patient and said loudly "I differentiate you!", but still the other man had no reaction. Finally, in frustration, the mathematician screamed out "I DIFFERENTIATE YOU!"
The new patient calmly looked up and said, "You can differentiate me all you like: I'm e to the x."

A magician on a cruise liner had a parrot, who'd seen all the magician's tricks a jillion times, long ago having figured out the magic behind the magician's disappearing acts.
The parrot got bored, his owner growing stale and not developing any new tricks that the parrot couldn't figure out.
One night in the middle of the magician's performance, the ship hit an iceberg and sank. Everyone drowned except the magician and the parrot.
The magician managed to swim to a piece of wreckage and climb aboard, immediately collapsing from exhaustion.
Soon afterward, the parrot flew to the magician, perched on the edge of the makeshift raft and stared at the magician. And stared. And stared.
For a whole day the magician was unconscious, and all this time the parrot didn't take his eyes off him.
Eventually the magician started to stir. Looking up, he saw the parrot, still eyeing him intently, not even blinking.
Another hour goes by, and finally the parrot squawks, more...

Did you hear about the blonde that stared at an orange juice can for, "Did you hear about the blonde that stared at an orange juice can for20 minutes because it said concentrate?

I really believe in global warming.I stared at the sun recently,and I'm much blinder than the last time I stared at the sun.

In 1986, Mkele Mbembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mbembe approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.
As carefully and as gently as he could, Mbembe worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Mbembe stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Mbembe never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Mbembe was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the more...