Stare Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Swiss guy visiting Sydney, Australia, pulls up at a bus stop where two locals are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
The two Aussies just stare at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
The two continue to stare.
"Parlare Italiano?"
No response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
Still nothing.
The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Aussie turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

To go outside, and there perchance to stay Or to remain within: that is the question: Whether ’tis better for a cat to suffer The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather That Nature rains on those who roam abroad, Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet, And so by dozing melt the solid hours That clog the clock’s bright gears with sullen time And stall the dinner bell. To sit, to stare Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state A wish to venture forth without delay, Then when the portal’s opened up, to stand As if transfixed by doubt.
To prowl; to sleep; To choose not knowing when we may once more Our readmittance gain: aye, there’s the hairball; For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob, Or work a lock or slip a window-catch, And going out and coming in were made As simple as the breaking of a bowl, What cat would bear the household’s petty plagues, The cook’s well-practiced kicks, the butler’s broom, The infant’s careless pokes, the tickled ears, The trampled tail, and more...

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.
68. Stare at your roommate for five minutes out of every hour. Don't say anything, just stare.

Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white.

Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine.

Own a cellular phone.

Have only Asian friends.

Speak only in Asian languages.

Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to
class.

If you're a girl, BE SURE TO STUFF YOUR BRA.

If you're a guy, BE SURE TO SOUP UP YOUR ACURA INTEGRA.

Smoke even if you don't know how to, especially if you're with friends.

Travel only in droves of 10 and above to parties.

Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties"!

Refuse to dance to anything but techno music.

Whenever in droves of 10 or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other
Asians.

Dance in circles at all parties and clubs.

If you're a guy, BE SURE TO COP CHEAP FEELS OFF GIRLS YOU LIKE!

If you're a girl, BE SURE TO more...

Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy To go outside, and there perchance to stay Or to remain within: that is the question: Whether' tis better for a cat to suffer The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather That Nature rains on those who roam abroad, Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet, And so by dozing melt the solid hours That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time And stall the dinner bell. To sit, to stare Outdoors, and by a stare to seem to state A wish to venture forth without delay, Then when the portal's opened up, to stand As if transfixed by doubt. To prowl; to sleep; To choose not knowing when we may once more Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball; For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob, Or work a lock or slip a window-catch, And going out and coming in were made As simple as the breaking of a bowl, What cat would bear the household's petty plagues, The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom, The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears, The trampled tail, more...

Tired of having to stare at the luscious young kitten on the other side of the chain link fence, bold Tommy Tomcat decided to visit her one day. Settling back on his haunches, he gave a mighty leap and landed on the other side; impressed, the lovely cat sauntered over.
"That was quite a leap," she remarked. "Want to go somewhere and cuddle?"
"' Fraid not," said Tommy, a pained expression on his face. "The fence was higher than I thought."

Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator
1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5) Meow occasionally.
6) Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7) Say "Ding" at each floor.
8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) Try to make more...