Stare Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Foreign languages

    Hot 1 year ago

    A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks.
    The two Americans just stare at him.
    "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries.
    The two continue to stare.
    "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
    Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted.
    The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
    "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

    1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt. 2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you. 3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with. 6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again. 7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files. 9. Use Interactive more...

    Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Cause it said concentrate.

    Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
    Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
    Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
    Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
    Sell Girl Scout cookies.
    On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
    Shave.
    Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
    Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
    Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
    When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
    Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
    Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm more...

    Q. Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice?
    A. Because it said 'concentrate'.

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