"How To Be A Cool Asian" joke

Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white.

Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine.

Own a cellular phone.

Have only Asian friends.

Speak only in Asian languages.

Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to
class.

If you're a girl, BE SURE TO STUFF YOUR BRA.

If you're a guy, BE SURE TO SOUP UP YOUR ACURA INTEGRA.

Smoke even if you don't know how to, especially if you're with friends.

Travel only in droves of 10 and above to parties.

Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties"!

Refuse to dance to anything but techno music.

Whenever in droves of 10 or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other
Asians.

Dance in circles at all parties and clubs.

If you're a guy, BE SURE TO COP CHEAP FEELS OFF GIRLS YOU LIKE!

If you're a girl, BE SURE TO RUN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR
EACH TIME YOU SEE A HOT GUY!

Wear only designer labels.

Make sure designer labels are extremely visible. Better yet, make sure that
the make is emblazoned on the front of the apparel.

Own a pair of Doc Martens.

Be very good at pool. Own a cue stick if you can, even if you know
nothing about it.

Make sure your parents are doctors, or better yet, grocery store owners.

BELIEVE IN BARN JACKETS, J. CREW, AND TOMMY HILFIGER.

Make sure you install every possible option you can in your car.

Own a sports car.

Date only someone that a friend of yours has already dated.

Be an officer in the KSA/CSA of your respective school.

Be a Christian pretending to actually care about the religion.

Use church as a social ground to meet potential dates.

If you're a guy, make sure your hair looks like the head of a circumcised
penis.

If you're a girl, make sure your hair is colored with tinges of brown or red
for optimal "coolness."

Two words: Manhattan Portage.

If you're a guy, don't be embarrassed that your penis is small. Instead,
simply make sure that its size is inversely related to the loudness of your
car's engine.

If you're a girl, don't be embarrassed about your small chest. Instead,
make sure that its size is inversely related to the amount of make up on
your face.

If you're a girl, weigh no more than 75 lbs.

If you're Korean girl, have eye surgery done so you can look like a
goldfish.

Date only the people from your own clique, or even "a cooler one!"

If you're in a group of 10 or more friends, stare menacingly at all
interracial couples you see.

If you're a guy, start having insecurities and complain about the "theft" of
your women.

If you're a girl... well, Asian men never date interracially anyway.