Species Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Totally Useless Info

    Hot 8 years ago

    1. Coca-cola was originally green.
    2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
    3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever.
    4. Dumbest dog: Afghan
    5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
    6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
    7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2
    8. Amount American Airlines saved in '87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: $40,000
    9. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
    10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
    11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
    12. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
    13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%
    14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
    15. Estimated % of American adults who go on diet each year: 44%
    16. Barbie's measurements if she more...

    The problem with Santa!

    Hot 6 years ago

    1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.
    2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of
    3.5 children per household, that's
    91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each.
    3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to
    822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the more...

    Tabby Cat

    Hot 1 year ago

    A woman took her 6-year-old daughter to pick out some fish at the pet store. While there, they walked past the caged cats, and little Emily got curious.
    "Mommy, mommy! I wanna look at the kitties."
    So they went over to them. Little Emily looked at each pair of cats in each cage, they were set up into pairs of cat species that got along with each other. Little Emily pointed at each cage and asked her mom what the name of each species was.
    "Mommy, what's that?" she asked.
    "Why, that's a Himalayan."
    "What about THAT one?"
    "That's a Persian."
    And so it went on. When she reached the last cage, little Emily noticed that one of the cats was on top of each other. Pointing to the one on top, she asked "Mommy, what's that one?"
    "A Tabby,"
    "What are they doing?"
    After thinking for a second, the mother said, "Well, they're mating."
    A week later, little Emily's more...

    A Fish Story!

    Hot 5 years ago

    One day a nun was fishing and caught a huge, strange looking fish.A man was walking by and said, "WOW! What a nice Gauddam Fish!"
    The sister said, "Sir, you shouldn't use God's name in vain." The man said, "But that's the SPECIES of the fish - a Gauddam Fish." The sister said, "Oh, ok."
    The Sister took the fish back home and said, "Mother Superior,
    look at the Gauddam Fish I caught."
    Shocked, the Mother Superior said, "Sister, you know better than that."
    The nun said, "That's the species of it - a Gauddam Fish."
    So the Mother Superior said, "Well, give me the Gauddam Fish and I'll clean it."
    While she was cleaning the fish, Monsignor walked in and Mother
    Superior said, "Monsignor, look at the Gauddam Fish that the sister
    Nearly fainting, Monsignor said, "Mother Superior, you shouldn"t talk like that!"
    Mother Superior said, more...

    Save The Bogan

    Hot 3 years ago

    SAVE THE BOGAN (maximumus tightblackjeanus withmulletus)

    First identified as a sub-species during the mid-70s, the Bogan is thought to be a close relation of the Booner (found in Canberra's outer suburbs) and the Westie (spread throughout Western Sydney). It is believed the initial Perth bogan population was introduced to purpose-built habitats such as Rockingham and Balga. However, by the mid-80s, the species had multiplied to plague proportions, spreading through much of Gosnells and outer-Mirrabooka. While authorities considered a culling program, they need not have bothered, as the regional population began a rapid decline from the early O90s onwards. The situation has now reached a critical point, with Bogans rarely sighted in Central Perth, and those remaining clinging to the region's outskirts.

    In the year 2000, the species is now officially endangered. Identifying a Bogan is not difficult. Males sport a distinctive hair growth called a "mullet" more...

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