Rips Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman sat on a plane heading for New York, when the pilot announces that because of difficulties with the plane's engines, he must make an emergency landing.

The woman, fearing that this may be the end of her life looks over to a man sitting next to her and rips her shirt off and bra off, and throws herself on him.

"Make me feel like a woman again!" she screamed. So the man rips his shirt off and hands it to her. "Here you go, you crazy bitch, iron this."

Harold's new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman.
The employee said, "If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you." The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle.
Harold says, "This small thing, a watch dog? You're kidding, right?"
The employee says, "No, this dog is special; he knows karate."
"Karate? I don't believe it," Harold says.
The employee puts the dog down and says, "Karate the sign." And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this.
The employee then says, "Karate the chair." And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced.
"I'll take him," he says.
When he gets home he surprises his wife and she yells more...

Harold’s new job had him working really late. He decides to get his wife a watchdog. He goes to the pet store and asks for a doberman.
The employee said, “If its a guard dog you want I have a dog just for you. ” The man walks to the back of the store to get a dog and comes back with a little poodle.
Harold says, “This small thing, a watch dog? You’re kidding, right? ”
The employee says, “No, this dog is special; he knows karate. ”
“Karate? I don’t believe it, ” Harold says.
The employee puts the dog down and says, “Karate the sign. ” And he points to a sign advertising dog food. The dog runs up and rips the sign to shreds. Harold is amazed at this.
The employee then says, “Karate the chair. ” And he points to a chair in the corner. The dog runs up and rips the chair to shreds. By now Harold is convinced.
“I’ll take him, ” he says.
When he gets home he surprises his wife and she yells out, “This little thing, more...

One day at class, Mrs. Stryo has a storytelling contest. She tells the class that the boy or girl with the best story will get a bag of candy.
Jay, a clever boy, thinks of a story.
"One day, there is a storm." He begins. "Someone's house gets ripped apart by this storm, leaving furniture scattered on the ground."
"One old man survives this storm. He trys to rebuild the house that was torn apart."
"He almost suceeds. Three months later, after spending all of his money trying to rebuild the house, another storm comes and rips it apart again. Everything is scattered around again."
"So that man trys again to build a house. Six months later, he spends a further few hundred dollars building up his house. And again, another storm comes and rips up his house. Now he had a few hundred dollars in debt."
"After a few more trials, and increasing his debt to a few thousand bucks, he gives up. The next storm comes and more...