"Men, Women, and Dogs" (New Show)
All we had at time of press is that this series will star former MTV VJ Bill Bellamy. It is unclear whether he will portray a man, woman or dog.
"Smallville" (New Show)
Tom Welling was cast as Clark Kent based on the strength of his performance in CBS's "Judging Amy." The fact that Tom possesses the powers of flight, heat vision and freeze breath had nothing to do with it.
"The Young Plastic Man Chronicles" (New Show)
The stretchy comic-book hero gets his own prequel show following "Smallville." Young Plas grapples with the trials of adolescence and having a penis that stretches to infinite lengths.
"Off Centre" (New Show)
This humourous comedy deals with the lives of colourful British football centres with day jobs: one drives a lorry, the other operates a lift. In the pilot episode they go on holiday but end up in hospital.
"Elimidate Deluxe" (New more...
I hear some rich guy wants to build a tavern at the top of Mount Everest. Talk about raising the bar high!
I understand Clinton is gonna try a new tactic with fund raising in an effort to comply with the law. You know how we have all these events for charity - walk for this or run for that, etc.
Well, they're planning on holding a 10 K run, but for campaign funds. Already a lot of the biggest contributors want to know if their butlers may run for them.
Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labour!
Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car and you get about the same results.
To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today.
The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side.
Avenge yourself: Live long enough to be a problem to your children.
The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere is to let the air out of the tires.
The right temperature in a home is maintained by warm hearts, not by hot heads.
Raising a teenager is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers and board newlyweds.
The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed.
Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too young to borrow the family more...
The following letter, reprinted with permission from the Herbal
Spotlight (Hubble Hill Herbs, PO Box 2083, Loveland, CO 80539),
was received by the Secretary of Agriculture.
My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Ute, Iowa, received a check for
$1000.00 from the government for not raising 50 hogs. So, I want
to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.
What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of
farm not to raise hogs on, and what kind is the best breed of hogs
not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in
keeping with all the government policies. I would very much prefer
not to raise Razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to
raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.
As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be keeping an
accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.
My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the more...