Policies Jokes / Recent Jokes
All workers please be advised of the following changes to the travel policy.MemorandumTo: All EmployeesFrom: HeadquartersSubject: Business Travel Policy GuidelinesDate: June 16, 2000Due to fiscal constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees on travel for official business. The purpose of these policies is to save money, thereby decreasing overhead.TransportationIf commercial transportation must be utilized, the lowest cost tickets will be purchased. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances and, the lowest fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting with a customer is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle. Bus transportation will be utilized whenever possible.Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure more...
To All Employees,
The following company policies are effective immediately:-
HOLIDAYS: Each employee is entitled to 104 holidays. These will be called Saturday and Sunday.
SICK DAYS: A doctor's sick note will no longer be accepted as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
SURGERY: Operations are banned. As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. Do not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead relatives and friends. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your day's tasks are more...
To All Employees,
The following company policies are effective immediately:-
HOLIDAYS: Each employee is entitled to 104 holidays. These will be called Saturday and Sunday.
SICK DAYS: A doctor's sick note will no longer be accepted as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.
SURGERY: Operations are banned. As long as you are employed here, you need all your organs. Do not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead relatives and friends. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your day's tasks are more...
Microsoft Clarifies Trademark Policies
REDMOND, Washington - January 4, 1995 - In response to customer inquiries, Microsoft today clarified the naming policy for Bob(tm), its new software product designed for computer beginners. Contrary to rumors, Microsoft will not demand that all persons formerly named "Bob" immediately select new first names.
"I don't know where these rumors come from," commented Steve Balmer, Microsoft Executive Vice President for Worldwide Sales and Support. "It's ridiculous to think Microsoft would force people outside the computer industry to change their names. We won't, and our licensing policies for people within the industry will be so reasonable that the Justice Department could never question them."
Balmer said employees of other computer companies will be given the opportunity to select new names, and will also be offered a licensing option allowing them to continue using their former names at very low more...
Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced
regarding employees traveling on official business. These policies are effective
immediately.
TRANSPORTATION
Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged.
Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their
departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus
travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be
authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares
will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle but a lower
fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be
substituted for travel to Seattle.
Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a
substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued
luminescent safety vest inside more...