Pedestrian Jokes / Recent Jokes

Insurance Form Statements...Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.As I approached more...

These are REAL statements made by REAL people on insurance forms. They are better than any jokes. The following quotes were taken from these insurance forms and were eventually published in the Toronto Sun. July 26, 1977.
1. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
2. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of it's intentions.
3. I thought my window was down. but found out it was up when I put my hand through it.
4. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
5. A truck backed into my windshield into my wife's face.
6. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
7. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
8. I pulled from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
9. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
10. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way more...

1) Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. 2) The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. 3) I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my hand through it. 4) I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. 5) A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. 6) A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 7) I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the other way. 8) I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. 9) In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. 10) I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision. 11) I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. 12) I was on my way to more...

An American couple from Montana decided to go to Canada for their holidays one summer. They drove north across the border, stopped at a dinosaur park, then continued northeast. After driving for a couple of days, they realized they were lost. They found a small city, and pulled over to ask a pedestrian for directions. "Hey buddy, can you tell us where we are?"The pedestrian smiled, said "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan," and went on his way. The driver turned to his wife and said "Well, we still don't know where we are. He doesn't even speak English."

1. Before changing lanes you should:
A. signal.
(B) check for traffic.
(C) both a & b.
(D) just swing into the lane without doing either a or b.
2. The top light on a traffic signal is:
A. red.
(B) yellow.
(C) green.
(D) Who cares, it doesn't apply to me anyway.
3. The speed limit in a residential area is:
A. 35 MPH.
(B) 25 MPH.
(C) 45 MPH.
(D) I paid $65,000 for this car, I'll drive as fast as I want.
4. In California, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you should:
A. slow to a walking pace.
(B) go around the block.
(C) stop.
(D) speed up and honk your horn.
5. In the other 49 states, when a pedestrian enters a cross walk, you
should:
A. maintain your speed.
(B) slow a little.
(C) slow a lot.
(D) speed up and don't bother honking your horn.
6. Your may make a left turn from the right lane:
A. never.
(B) when there is a left turn arrow.
(C) on Sunday at 2 more...

When on a one way street, stay to the right to allow oncoming traffic to pass.
Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he flings himself under the wheels of your car.
The first parking space you see will be the last parking space you see. Grab it.
Never get in the way of a car that needs extensive body work.
Always look both ways when running a red light.
Never use directional signals when changing lanes. They only warn other drivers to speed up and not let you in.
Making eye contact revokes your right of way.
Whenever possible, stop in the middle of a crosswalk to ensure inconveniencing as many pedestrians as possible. And if a pedestrian ahead of you steps into the road, speed up, honk or yell obscenities loudly and chase him back upon the curb. Pedestrians have no rights.

Insurance Form Statements... Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention. I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident. As I more...