Patches Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    The patch thing is going way to far....smoking patches, lose weight patches,
    now this....
    Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of
    bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a
    poll-ice roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
    Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin'
    these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the
    bottles under the seat".
    "What fer?", asked Bubba.
    "Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl.
    Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and
    each put a label on their forehead. When they reached the roadblock, the
    sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
    "No, sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch".

    Here's a tip for those of you who don't want their partner to leave them.
    While they are asleep, put a few nicorette patches (nicotine patches for people trying to give up smoking) on their arm. Remove them before they wake up.
    Keep doing this for a while until they are up to the equivalent of about 60 cigarettes a day.
    Then, if they should ever leave you they'll get such awful cravings that they'll think they must still love you and come back.

    Surprise Settlement Evenly Splits Microsoft; One Firm To Make Software, Other To Make Patches
    Decision Keeps Redmond from Monopolizing Massive Microsoft Patch Industry
    Redmond, Wash. (SatireWire.com) — In a surprise settlement today with nine U.S. states, Microsoft agreed to be split into two independent companies — one that will continue to make Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software, and another, potentially larger company that will make patches for Microsoft operating systems, browsers, and server software.
    Critics immediately charged that the settlement — which overrides a previous agreement with the U.S. Department of Justice — does nothing to diminish Microsoft's standing as the world's most powerful software company. But industry analysts argued that providing patches for security holes in Microsoft programs is a major, untapped growth industry, and applauded the states for not allowing Redmond to control it.
    "Just consider, more...

    When I was a little boy, my family did not have a lot of money.
    My father had a reasonably well paying job, but with four kids and
    a dog, money was often tight. This is not to say that we were
    deprived or unhappy. Our family did many activities together, but
    our favorite was camping, which we did year-round, blazing heat or
    freezing cold.
    It was a great site to see the whole clan scrambling to get every-
    thing together for a weekend trip. The whole family then piled
    into our Chevy station wagon with a dog bigger than the three
    smallest children put together. Dad would then tie down our
    trusty tent to the top of the Chevy and off we would go.
    Our tent was amazing in and of itself. It was an army surplus
    tent, large enough for the whole family plus dog. It had survived
    though rainstorms, snowstorms, and windstorms. It had twice been
    uprooted from its stakes in high winds. (Makes me wonder why we
    went camping in more...

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