Optional Jokes

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    This is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
    Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere -- even sitting in an armchair by the fire -- yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
    Here's how it works:
    This device is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.
    Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, the devices with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information more...

    Condoms Of The Zodiac

    Hot 4 years ago

    SCORPIO
    Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably because people try to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that they're a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn't get caught.
    Scorpio condoms come in two editions, basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of Scorpio condoms comes with a pre-printed, pre-coital agreement. Symbolized by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you want a Scorpio condom.
    SAGITTARIAN
    Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship, cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sagittarian condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases.
    Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They promise a more...

    Birkenstock Barbie:
    Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable sandals. Made from recycled materials.
    Bisexual Barbie:
    Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.
    Bite-The-Bullet Barbie:
    An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood, and the ability to perform surgery on herself in the Outback.
    Blue Collar Barbie:
    Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.
    Our Barbies Ourselves:
    Anatomically correct Barbie, both inside and out, comes with spreadable legs, her own speculum, magnifying glass, and detailed diagrams of female anatomy so that little girls can learn about their bodies in a friendly, non-threatening way. Also included: tiny Kotex, booklets on sexual more...

    Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named - BOOK.
    BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it.
    Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere - even sitting in an armchair by the fire - yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.
    Here's how it works:
    BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.
    Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more more...

    Line 1. Butter, a minimum of half a pound (8 oz.), but not to exceed 1 (one)
    pound. (See line 4.)
    Line 2. Sugar, light brown or white, unless you or your spouse
    had a financial account in a foreign country in 1990, in which case
    dark brown sugar must be used. Do not substitute molasses or honey.
    Use 1 (one) cup and adjust to taste.
    Line 3. Eggs, six or half a dozen, whichever is greater.
    Line 4. Semisweet chocolate, 6 oz. Nonfarm families may choose
    the optional method of using cocoa powder. If you elect the Cocoa
    Method, add 1/2 oz. (One Tablespoon) of butter to each 3
    tablespoons of cocoa. Multiply by .9897 per ounce of substitution.
    For adjustments to sugar, see pg. 29. Add total of additional
    butter to Line 1 (above). Sugar adjustments should be reflected in
    final total of Line 2. For additional details on cocoa conversion,
    see Form 551.
    Line 5a. Flour, white. If you were a federal, state or local
    government employee, more...

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